I’m back! (Insert whatever evil, wicked, face you can see, hands together, fingers steepled, belching out a horrendous laugh…) 😉
Wicked, evil, horrible. These are words I’ve heard were said in association with my name in the past year. Why? Because I chose to make decisions in my life, and set boundaries that the few misinformed didn’t agree with and I no longer wanted to submit myself and others to behaviors that were unhealthy (my behaviors included).
Eleven years has gone by since I began this blog. And last year was the first year I was kept from writing. I write with my heart exposed and I could not find a way to write what I was living through without misperceptions and my words, meaning, etc being misconstrued, and even completely turned around and held against me. In many ways I have felt my words and craft have been imprisoned and now they are set free.
It’s an interesting feeling to be ‘imprisoned’… we can all feel it in some ways now. We’ve been told to shelter in place, keep our distance, and don’t venture out. When you are alone this can be a bit more emotionally wrecking than if you have family surrounding you.
Regardless, when we have our daily routines, abilities to go where we wish, and even the given means to make a living stripped away it crushes the spirit. We are living through history with this Coronavirus outbreak and now is the time to truly rely on Him to see us through.
One month ago I was on my couch suffering the onset of an anxiety attack. I don’t get them often but when the enemy gets in my head with the lies and memories of things said in the past I feel that crushing of the spirit and it affects me in a physical, emotional way. “You can’t do this without me. You can’t make it without me.” I heard this over and over and as the build up of pressure in my chest threatened to thwart my airway, my mind managed to push past the debilitating mantra and I heard my spirit cry out to God. “Help me, Lord. I need to talk to someone. I know You have been with me in every step, in every move, help me.”
A man I met at a networking event came to mind immediately. We had exchanged a few conversations, one of which let me know he had a soft place in his heart for Hopeful Hearts Ministry. He had confided in me in one instance, even prayed with me in that phone call and God put it on my heart to be vulnerable and confide in him. I sent him a text basically saying I needed an ear, not to be alarmed but I needed to be transparent. He was a Christian man who had suffered through various similar trials and I knew he would have words of wisdom. He called me immediately in response to my text.
After explaining the mantra that was going through my mind, and discussing the various options I have to take in my life in this moment he told me to pray on what we had worked through. To ask God to give me a sign, or show me in His way what He wanted me to do.
I prayed all day. In everything I did I prayed. I spoke about my struggles to a few friends who knew my plight and they confirmed what I felt He was seeking of me, but I didn’t want to be forcing my will as His. My focus needed to be His will or it wouldn’t work. By the end of the day I knew my answer. I had known all along but I had allowed the lies to seep in like acid and strip away my confidence. I called my friend and told him the answer.
“Okay, good, I figured that would be His response. Now, I want you to write down that lie you were hearing this morning. Instead of me put him, lower case ‘h’. So I did:
“You can’t do this without him. You can’t make it without him.”
“Now,” he said, “Every lie has a little bit of truth in it. Rewrite the lie and replace lower case ‘h’ with an uppercase “H”.
“You can’t do this without Him. You can’t make it without Him.”
Tears washed away the anxiety. WOW. So clear. So true. TRUTH.
From that moment crazy, unexplainable, GOD-INCIDENCES began to take place (began? No…they had been taking place all along but now my eyes were opened once again to seeing clearly.) At one point I had a woman whom I had met a few months ago at a networking event say to me, “Is this an everyday occurrence for you to have these coincidences happen? Why is it I believe every time I see you I’ll be able to hear another God story?” 🙂
Is the onset of the Coronavirus a ‘God’ thing? I am not of the belief that God made this happen, though I do realize many are, and who knows? What I DO know is that God brings a greater good from every bad situation, from every wrong done, from every hardship, even from our own mistakes.
When you begin to feel the imprisonment of this seclusion creeping in like a slithery, disease infested snake, remember He is near. You can do this with Him and you are not alone.
Spring clean, read the books on the shelf that have collected dust, better yet, write that book you always wanted to write, or have a dance party of one! Do all the things you never have time to do that you can only do at home. And remember, PHONES ARE WORKING!!! Get on the phone and call your friends – FACETIME THEM – so you feel that much closer. Don’t forget those who are older, more secluded than you.
Make the most of this because though we have a social distance of six feet around us at all times, we are still FREE.
Stay tuned as I will be releasing my third book – AWAKE MY SOUL – Biblical Direction on How to Let Go & Let God.
EXPOSED and REDEEMED still available on Amazon (Exposed on Audible too!)