This morning I gave a ‘focus’ for the Cornerstone Bible study on the last part of James chapter 3 and the first part of James chapter 4. James is firm in his approach with his fellow brothers and sisters asking of them –
James 3:13-14 “Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show his works by a good life in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth.”
The study questions caused you to focus on how you pray and what is your intention when you pray? Is it to achieve God’s will? And James continued to reprimand for all the worldly desires that are prayed for or that are taking the place of worshiping God.
In James 4 he goes on to talk about how these selfish desires can bring about conflict:
James 4:1-3 “Where do the wars and where do the conflicts among you come from? Is it not from your passions that make war within your members? You covet but do not possess. You kill and envy but you cannot obtain; you fight and wage war. You do not possess because you do not ask. You ask but do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.”
He then tells us to turn away from the world and focus on God:
James 4: 7-8 “So submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you of two minds.”
Reflecting upon this deep seeded lesson a particular story in regards to my grandmother came to mind. I wish I could share the entire story but it would be a few pages in length! The gist of the focus was correlating the wisdom my grandmother (Sweetgraw) exumed and how much I adored her and looked up to her. On the day of her death I was in a place of inner turmoil much as I am right now. Before I had heard she passed I had gone for a run and cried out to God to ‘save me from me’ and that I only wanted to ‘reflect’ Him. When I returned to my room from the run I’d found out that my grandmother had passed. I was selfishly sad, as I knew it was better for her, having been 95 years old, to be in heaven and reunited with my grandfather but I would miss her here on earth, praying for me and listening to my concerns and worries. I called a friend of mine who owns the funeral home where they’d taken my grandmother and I called him asking him to ‘make sure she looked pretty’. His response remains with me because I have always aspired to be like my grandmother. He said, “Shannon, every time I’ve seen your grandmother around town, I’ve always been able to see you in her.” That was a gift to me
Later that morning I went ahead and attended the prayer session for the conference, no one knew my grandmother died. After the prayer session and many many tears I made my way to the bathroom when a stranger stopped me asking if he could speak to me for a moment. He looked very nervous and when we sat down his legs were shaking. He said he had to get the messages ‘right’. Like I said, all of this would make more sense if I could write it all out but basically he gave me these three messages that went like this: “I’m with you.” “You look more like me now than you ever have before.” and “You do reflect me, and I’m proud.”
Through my tears I tried to tell this stranger about my grandmother and our relationship and about my prayer to God that morning crying out that all I wanted to do was ‘reflect Him’. I had just been given the greatest gift of all, a message from heaven.
In my mind all of this correlated to the lesson because I know my grandmother had great wisdom and she watched much of her family falling victim to battling within the family and within themselves over all of these ‘worldly’ desires and jealousy’s. And at the time of her death I was so near to God that I was seeing all of the traits within myself that needed to be discarded.
I’m in that place again and telling this story today brought about the same tears of internal pain that all I want is to be on my knees for God and then the sorrow of missing my grandmother to talk this out with because she would understand me.
A few hours after I gave the talk I received a phone call from my mother. She said, “Sweetgraw came to mind today and I was prodded to go upstairs to your old room and I saw the kneeler that Sweetgraw and Papa had in their room. It dawned on me that you are probably the only one in my family that would truly appreciate the kneeler and even use it. Do you want it? I know Sweetgraw would be real pleased for you to have it.”
Funny…even as I write this post I see the time the ‘draft’ is being saved and it says ‘1:11’ (even though that is NOT the real time)… 🙂
I think my grandmother is telling me to get on my knees and that she is praying for me still…
Blessings
Shannon