It was being pulled from deep within my chest, inside the rib cage as if it were nestled behind the heart, lungs, and thousands of arteries that crisscrossed into a life-pumping chaotic maze. Covered with the emotion of yearning but tethered with shards of fear this word erupted on the page of my journal, wet and raw.
WISTFUL
(definition – longing, yearning)
For six days I either sat on the upper deck of a gorgeous beach front home and stared out into the ocean’s abyss or I ran alongside it’s shoreline as the sun began it’s early morning ‘hello’ to the world and I allowed God to embrace me. This wistfulness, the yearning, the longing for Him was erupting like a dormant volcano. I blogged last week about going back to the basics and I do believe literally leaving my normal surroundings for a short while was the perfect catalyst to allow me to have no other option but to hear Him clearly.
How easy it is to get inundated with to do lists, friend’s personal dramas, financial woes, marital disputes, children’s behavioral issues and personal crisis’ and personal desires for achievement and fulfillment that accepting God’s embrace becomes a timed and scheduled event. Everything becomes routine. Let’s lay out our to do list and everything else can be squeezed in-between, including that ‘quiet time’ with God. But along the way as we allow the day to get crowded with drama, woes, issues and crisis’ our personal behavior becomes burdened, frustrated, apathetic and irritated at having to sit quietly because A) my behavior doesn’t deserve the Holy embrace and/or B) my spirit is so laden with all of the above it will take too long to decompress.
A friend made the comment when I mentioned ‘back to the basics’ as a teaser line and she referenced the need to get back to the simple basics of our Catholic teaching. Though I was referring to me needing to unload and begin fresh by following only His call, I do agree with my friend wholeheartedly because they are one in the same concept. To reference the beginning of the Catechism of the Catholic Church:
Part One – The Profession of Faith \ Section One ‘I Believe – We Believe’ –
….”What does ‘to believe’ mean? Faith is man’s response to God, who reveals himself and gives himself to man, at the same time bringing man a superabundant light as he searches for the ultimate meaning of his life.”
And continued in Chapter One – Man’s Capacity for God –
“The desire for God is written in the human heart, because man is created by God and for God; and God never ceases to draw man to himself. Only in God will he find the truth and happiness he never stops searching for.”
Wistful – yearning, longing for my God.
He showed up in every breeze, every wave that lapped along the shore, every giggle the boys made and in every conversation I had with my children. He embraced me on my runs, in my quiet time and in the tears.
Now I pray I can keep clean from the ‘build up’ for awhile. 😉 One day at a time.
Blessings
Shannon