On this Texas morning of 85 degrees at 6am I headed out for a short two mile run. Equipped with my iPod in my armstrap and earphones blasting out my favorite tunes I took off. At first it felt as if I was running through congealed cheese but after awhile I suppose I melted into the heat because my legs finally loosened up and I no longer was thinking about my breathing or the stiffness. The first song that came on was ‘One Step At A Time’ by Jordin Sparks and as usual my mind began to wonder. When I was a young girl and into my teens one way I processed my life was by sitting in a rocking chair and listening to music. I would rock in the chair, listen to the beat but my mind would wonder and that is how I worked through a lot of anger, frustration, sadness and all the anxiety of a teenage life. I don’t own a rocking chair but I’m still into music and when I run it offers the same effect.
The next song was “Make War” by Tedashil a Christian rapper. I LOVE running to this song. I get encouraged by the message to ‘never never giving up with my feet on the battle field, stand firm and be relentless’. Then JJ Heller’s song comes on “What Love Really Means” , yes two extreme different tunes but it is about what can make my mind wonder. When she sings “I will love you for you” it makes me tear up every time. “Better Than a Hallelujah” by Amy Grant came on next and my mind began to go from the call God has asked of me to thinking about all of those I love who have come to me this week in need of prayer. I have friends getting divorced, friends with illnesses, friends struggling with knowing ‘what love really means’ but I know their cries to God in their desperation is ‘better than a hallelujah’ as the song implies. And finally I rounded the last block with “Bleed Red” by Ronnie Dunn. My mind went instantly to the worry I have in regards to attending my 20th high school reunion next weekend. I’m excited to see everyone but this is also the first time I’ll see everyone since my book came out. Granted, it could be that not one of them has read it, which will make my concern pointless. 😉 But I find myself concerned for the one person I think others would find that I shouldn’t be concerned about. I have forgiven. I forgave him a long time ago and it was tested when I saw him at the five year reunion when God gave me the grace to see beyond the past and witness him as a father that needed a lot of prayer. As Ronnie Dunn sings:
We all fall down and lose our way, we all say words we regret, we all cry tears, we all bleed red
We all say words we regret, we all cry tears we all bleed red
Sometimes we’re strong sometimes we’re weak sometimes we’re hurt and it cuts deep
We live this life breath to breath, we’re all the same we all bleed red.
I finished the run just as the song was over and as I was stretching I thought about the songs I’d just meditated to and the common message God was giving me this morning was to be true in the ministry He has led me to and that is to first and foremost love others the way He loves me and loves them just the same. I’m excited to go to this reunion, to see where He has led those that I spent a good portion ‘growing up’ with in this crazy world. All the other ‘stuff’ is well… RED
This morning also marked the end of my time as a ‘free momma’. My boys have been gone to camp and we pick them up this morning. I am so ready to see them! 🙂 The first moments of coming home to silence were bliss. I didn’t have to hear the stomps across the upstairs landing, or the slight murmur of the TV, or the occasional ‘Get out!…You jerk!…MOM!!!” Now it is six days later and I sat at home by myself last night (for the first time in at least two years…it was delectable 😉 ) and even though it was nice to flip through the channels I wanted to watch, catch a cheesy LIFETIME movie, eat a huge bowl of ice cream and not have to cater to anyone else that silence was deafening and suddenly empty. I’m ready to get my boys back.
Hug your kids today. 🙂
Blessings!!
Shannon