The dynamics of people and how each individual responds to the various facets of life has always been a fascination for me. Ever since I came out of my inner prison where pride had me locked up in the depth of self-pity, insecurity that revealed itself as superiority and probably even a hint of narcissism, and denial I have done my best to remain in the light of Christ’s love and see others through His eyes. For the first few years of this freedom this new reality allowed me the blessing to see beyond the facade of those that had hurt me in years past into their deep dark personal prisons and to find a place of empathy (and sometimes pity) enough to allow me the full release in forgiveness.
Unfortunately the enemy can find a hole in any new defense and soon I found myself almost at complete about face where instead of ruling out judgment, anger and animosity I absorbed everyone else’s retaliations and backlashes becoming the doormat to be walked on because I understood their inner prisons so well that I enabled the behavior only because I understood and I knew there was nothing I could do to change them until they were sick of living in the dark.
The joy of human life is that it is a journey ( if you so choose to see it this way ) and I’ve come to realize over the years that God takes His time to prepare us for each new leg of the journey as we head toward our destination. As I’ve written in a few posts this summer I do believe we can get ‘stuck’ in ruts along the way but once we find our way up and out of the culvert we can look back and see ‘Oh yeah, I can see where I fell into that one! I shouldn’t have stepped there, I should have gone this way.’
Recently God has shown up for me in a curious way. For a moment I had to truly take it to prayer and wonder ‘is the enemy in this or is this a lesson to be learned?’. I believe that I am beginning to find a ‘voice’ I had a long time ago that I thought too ‘brass’ for living in the light. I am not referring to cursing (though this is something I do take to confession too many times) or being vulgar or rude. I was born to be outspoken. Strong in my convictions and even at times quick witted in defense. While stuck in my ‘personal prison’ this gift was used as a weapon against me and I used words and wit to hurt and harm which is why it was one of the first things I put aside because I didn’t want to hurt or harm anyone. But as I once prayed for boldness when I was writing my story in EXPOSED I have come to realize I have been silencing a voice God gave me to be FIRM and BOLD in what I know is right and what my faith, my CATHOLIC faith provides as my foundation.
Yesterday I found myself in two situations that awakened the desire to stand firm in my conviction and realize I can be quick witted AND still a representative of Christ at the same time. In fact when someone lashes out for no other purpose than to be spiteful (who happens to represent the Church ANY Church) then we have an obligation as their brother or sister to quickly bring them back to perspective.
1 Thessolonians 5:11-15
Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up, as indeed you do. We ask you, brothers, to respect those who are laboring among you and who
are over you in the Lord and who admonish you,and to show esteem for them with special love on account of their work. Be at peace among yourselves.We urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, cheer the fainthearted, support the weak, be patient with all.See that no one returns evil for evil; rather, always seek what is good
(both) for each other and for all.
I spoke out kindly but firmly and even though I’m sure I upset the person I do believe it needed to be said because if we are proclaiming to live as Christ then we all need to remember that our words, actions and even facial expressions if given from a place of darkness, frustration and anger can cause another to be turned away from Him.
However, on the other hand, I was also informed that in a conversation with someone that did not know me well (nor do I know this person well) I brought up something that to this person felt as a ‘confrontation’ and thus when this was told to others that knew me well a conversation took place that revealed a bit of judgment toward me that was truly unwarranted. The conversation (on my part…what was perceived as confrontation on the other party’s part) literally was a two minute (if that) statement and question on something that happened years ago that I was clarifying because I didn’t have all the answers and it is the only thing that connected me to this individual so it was (to me) natural to bring up something that needed to be dealt with and done. It wasn’t even a big issue.
At any rate it is a clear example of how we are individuals with unique responses to the various facets of life. I’ve grown a lot over the years and though it troubles me that this person took something very minimal as a confrontation and I stand behind myself this time. 🙂 I’ve prayed and discerned to see if there is a need for me to apoligize or right a wrong, and where before I might do just that to make the waters ‘smooth’ again even if I didn’t see where I went wrong I feel more firm in where God has led me in my truth and I appreciate and respect the other person’s ‘truth’ as well.
On one last note I am also dealing with a situation where a ‘group’ is using their Christianity to ‘make others’ into what they ‘think’ is how their particular group should be. They are admonishing and attacking other persons in this group in a very un-Christ-like way only to make others in this group ‘conform’ to how they want this group to conduct itself. Now this just makes me angry. And I will not allow it near me and I will stand firm to protect those that can’t defend themselves. (Whew…yes…it’s been one of those weeks, and it’s only Tuesday!) 😉
Pray for me as though it feels good to find this ‘fire’ within me again…I also realize it is one I need to keep clear from the enemy.
And so it goes as Christ continues with our plight:
1 Thessolonians 5:16-18
Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.
Blessings!
Shannon