Friday my oldest son’s 7th grade class attended an all day program led by our priest, youth minister and science teacher. The program was to discuss all aspects of human sexuality. Before Friday parents were sent home letters to inform us of the agenda and topics to be discussed. We were even invited to read the chapter in their science book so we would have a general idea of what they would be hearing as well.
I knew our kids were in good hands. What a blessing to be able to have your priest be in on this important discussion! What caught me off guard was the discussion that ensued once Ryan came home from school. I knew he was perceptive but I had no idea a typical ‘birds and bees’ lesson would lead us down the discussion of the cause of abortion (ie: the psychological ramifications of a young woman’s life that could ultimately lead her to that decision), men upholding the dignity of women, and the cause of 1/2 of marriages ending in divorce.
It is in these sudden, unexpected moments of conversation that I have to remember to breathe. I know that they are rare so I tried to be careful with the words I chose because I knew this would be something he would potentially remember. This entire conversation happened in a 10 minute period on the way to his track practice. When he hopped out of the car he smiled and said, “Love you Mom!” My heart skipped a beat. I wanted to call him back in and say ‘Forget track, let’s keep talking.’
An hour later I picked him up and we rode in silence for a few minutes. I tried to figure out a way to start the conversation again but, to my surprise, he asked this question: “Do all Christians believe it is a sin to have sex before marriage?”
“Yes,” I said, wondering where his mind was at this particular time.
“Then why do so many people do it?”
Choosing my words carefully (because he did read my book) I said, “Well, Ryan, I’m sure there are many different reasons for each person. I know many people have the intent to keep themselves pure for marriage and then they get too close to the one they love and…well, it’s a chemical thing. Sex is meant to be good and enjoyable. God created it for a man and wife to bring life out of their love for one another but sometimes those same good feelings can cloud a person’s judgment.”
I couldn’t look at him but I wanted to bring it up. I needed to talk about what he had read in my book. “You know, I wanted to keep myself pure for marriage but there were times those feelings got the best of me and I made some mistakes.”
“Mom,” Ryan interrupted me. “I know and I know what that guy did to you and that was not your fault. None of those guys should have ever treated you that way. What they did to you was wrong. No girl should be treated that way.”
We were almost home and I didn’t want to be. For years as I’ve watched my boys grow I’ve been wondering how to make sure I brought them up to be gentleman. I didn’t have to wonder anymore.
Over the lump in my throat I managed to say, “Thank you, Ryan. You are right. And I made my own bad decisions as well. That is why it is so important for you to respect a young woman even when she isn’t respecting herself.”
“I know, Mom.”
And then we were home and the conversation abruptly ended.
In an hour I will be leaving with Ryan to attend a BETA convention in Austin, TX. We will have the next two days together so hopefully we can pick up more of this conversation. Even if that is all I get for a while I do believe I have been blessed with one perceptive young gentleman.
(Granted, he isn’t perfect!!! There are areas that we need to work on but I’ll take these moments of clarity every now and then!) 😉
Blessings
Shannon