“Life’s like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.”
I’m sure many of you can instantly name the movie that made this quote famous. I know my husband can recite several other lines from Forest Gump that struck him as humorous or possibly even poignant. There are many movies that my husband can recite near verbatim but I never seem to find the ‘value’ to what he finds important to remember – such as Blazing Saddles. That’s right, if you are a fan I apologize but I am admitting that I never have watched more than a five minute segment not only because I guess I don’t get the humor but also because Neal is often in the room and saying the lines before que. 😉
There are a few movies, though, that a line will jump out and stick. Often, for me, it is because it has tickled a place in my conscience that awakens a thread of thought that can often bring about a fabulous ‘ahaa’ moment. For instance, a week or so ago I watched Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. There were definitely parts in this movie where I had to literally cover my eyes and even plug my ears because of triggering scenes. But there was a scene at the very end of the movie with a subtle line that didn’t just tickle my conscience but literally leapt out and slapped me awake. I wish I could remember it verbatim as Neal has a knack for but the gist of it is this, the character speaking is a serial killer who is referring to his victims and how he was able to capture them:
“They always put the need to not offend my feelings ahead of their own gut feeling of danger.”
When I heard this, as I mentioned, it truly slapped me. How I embodied this very statement. I had this need to make sure no one was upset with me, or that I wouldn’t hurt someone else’s feelings by running away, or demanding a ride home, or simply leaving the situation because what if it was just me? What if my gut is wrong and then I look like the fool and have made them feel bad or worse, look bad? Except every time my gut was never wrong.
I met with a young woman yesterday who is struggling with a very recent victimization. Her main struggle isn’t what physically happened to her, what she struggles with at this time is that she feels it is her fault because she went with him. As I talked her through this very valid and common reaction (that almost 99% of victims have) I heard her tell me that she ‘went with him because she didn’t want to hurt his feelings’ even though she felt in her gut that something wasn’t right. Now she struggles with the fact that she went with him when she had the chance to walk away. IT IS STILL NOT HER FAULT. He forced himself on her and she did NOT ask for it or offer it.
It is in that very millisecond of a moment to choose the gut feeling over the societal pressure to please and not make a scene that a victim’s guilt erupts like a mushroom head on an atomic bomb. “I knew better. Why didn’t I…” plays like a broken record in our minds as we begin to find a safe place to heal.
What I told this young woman yesterday, and what I try to tell myself daily, is this: “You can not go back and change what has been done but you can move forward and learn to pick you over them.” What is needed is a change in internal dialogue. Instead of, ‘What if he gets mad, or upset, or what will they think of me?’ it should be ‘I don’t want to so I won’t. Or something isn’t right about this so I’m not. Or I don’t care what they all think because it doesn’t match up with what I’m thinking and I trust myself more.’
I like to think of that ‘gut feeling’ or ‘little voice’ as the Holy Spirit within us giving us Divine Direction. It’s like a muscle that gives us strength to carry the struggles life throws at us. Just like any muscle we need to train ourselves to use it, to get stronger and then we can begin to see it take shape and form into a part of our body so that it all flows together and becomes effortless.
Train yourself to listen to your gut. The benefits are miraculous. 😉
Blessings
Shannon