The greatest gift was given today in the form of an apology. I want to share the details but if I did so I would be jeopardizing the gift, however, I feel this event has significant meaning to every person who has ever suffered under someone else’s dominance (in any fashion). I will try to retell the event in a fictional scenario based on fact detail.
To begin I think it is important to share that I have found myself lost in prayer lately. Not blissfully lost as in swept away by prayer but lost as in a fish out of water floundering about inches from the water’s edge but not able to catch the breath or energy to push myself back into the very body of water that gives me life. I still wake up every morning and ask God what I can do for Him and I mean it. I sit and read the devotionals and I relate and feel the inspiration. But what comes out in my personal prayer is the humbling fact that I’m dry. My belief is not gone. The fact that I’m loved is not ignored. The assurance that He is behind each and every day is what keeps me going…yet still my well runs dry.
I have not admitted this to anyone and the fact that I’m publicly announcing it at this moment is giving me great anxiety but at the same time I feel God ‘nudging’ me to do so in the fashion that He has made me so accustomed to – telling it like it is in order to maybe help someone else. In hindsight this is why my blogs have been few and far between and ‘dry’ as well. You can only give what you have to offer.
So when I met with someone today that I’ve been speaking to for many years in regards to a deep-seeded personal issue that was brought on by a displacement of authority, trust, and friendship, I was concerned about what I would have to offer to continue help their rather strenuous journey through healing. Thankfully I didn’t have to worry. This person proceeded to tell me about something longed for but never humanly imagined that came to fruition.
This person was faced with one of the ‘accused’ that caused such an atrocity of mental and emotional affliction on this person that this person could not be in the room with the ‘accused’ without feeling a great amount of anxiety. However, the ‘accused’ was still in position to be in many places this person frequented and for many, many years no justice was in sight which hindered the process of healing. But this particular day was different. On this particular day when this person was in a place that the ‘accused’ frequented this person was asked to do a favor that caused a direct line of contact between this person and ‘the accused’. Trudging unwillingly to the place this person needed to go to carry out the favor they prayed, “Lord, I don’t want to do this. I know you have something in mind. I can feel it but I don’t want it. I’m not strong enough. I don’t want to do this but I’ll do it for you.”
The favor was carried out and much to this person’s chagrin the ‘accused’ kept this person in conversation. There is only so much politeness one can take when staring at the cause of your great sorrow but this person stood, smiled, carried along on the strength Christ. Just when this person felt their was no more strength left the ‘accused’ stormed forth with a sincere apology out of left field. Suddenly the air shifted and what spewed forth from the ‘accused”s mouth was the deepest regret, concern for this person’s welfare, an acknowledgment of their own sins and what had obviously transpired and a plea for forgiveness.
This person stood in stunned silence. Not a tear fell for this person’s well was dry. But this person walked away healed. The chain was released. For years this person prayed “Lord, do they not know what they have done to me? Do they not see the sin?”
Prayer was answered. This person feels released. Healed. Free.
This person could not shed a tear but I did. I stared at this person and felt the victory in receiving an apology that a survivor rarely receives. It was a victory for us all. I then shared about my personal sudden ‘dry well’ and this person bestowed great wisdom upon me. “You are being asked to go on faith alone.”
Through the tears that wouldn’t stop I nodded in understanding. By going on the faith that He has given me through this journey I will find the humility that is needed to find myself in Christ so that the only person others see is Him and not just ‘have Christ in me’.
“He must increase; I must decrease.” John 3:30
I am not discouraged for I know great movement comes from these ‘dry spells’. 😉
Blessings
Shannon