Twelve years ago I would not have ever placed myself sitting in the second row of a theater watching my 14 year old son, Ryan, in a major role of the musical “Music Man” singing one of the fastest tongue twisters AND bouncing as if he were on a train and still keeping in tune. Neal and I sat with our mouths agape in awe of our first born child.
Yes, I’m going to brag. 🙂 He was SO good! The entire production he continued to amaze us, even at one point harmonizing and having to be the lead of the ‘barbershop’ quartet. Neal and I had heard him over the past few weeks singing in his room and rehearsing lines but I can say we were both pleasantly surprised. Maybe some of you think it might be odd that we are so surprised but Ryan has had his challenges growing up. Watching him in this role over the weekend was not only a gift to him for his hard work but a validation for us as parents and how we have spent the last twelve of the fourteen years of his life being proactive in helping him overcome these obstacles.
Ever since Ryan was two I knew there was something going on but I couldn’t quite put my finger on the issue. I took him to every doctor I could think of and it came back that he was ‘strong willed’ or ‘simply a boy’ or it was my issue. Finally, when he was 4 his pre-k teacher sat me down and validated my concerns. I’ll never forget that day because I knew I finally had someone backing me up to get Ryan the help he needed.
With extensive testing that took months in order to get an accurate diagnosis, Ryan was diagnosed with ADHD and Impulsivity Disorder, along with the fact that his IQ was 148 which is a genius level (I made the mistake of letting this secret out of the bag to him and now he likes to make sure we are aware of this fact at times. 😉 ). You mix all of these issues together and it can create a lot of havoc on a young 4 year old boy who can’t seem to adjust ‘in’ the world properly, or communicate the way he feels comfortable.
By the grace of God we had a pediatrician that specialized in these issues and wanted to make sure Ryan never felt as if he were ‘different’. We medicated for a few years in order to work on the ADHD and Impulsivity Disorder but we also worked on his awareness of his behaviors and social skills in the classroom and with his friends. Another blessing was the fact that he was in a small school with the same group of kids, so as he progressed from grade to grade the kids were like a family, accepting his idiosyncracies (rocking, humming, plugging an ear when he talked, not looking you in the eye, etc). By the fourth grade both teacher and doctor suggested we take him off the medication and see how well he could do at this point in working on controlling the behaviors (outbursts, talking too loud, getting in people’s personal space, etc).
His grades continued to soar and sure enough the more we worked with him on his behaviors and spoke with him in a way that allowed him to recognize that this was for his benefit in life he began to work hard at controlling the outbursts, looking people in the eye, etc. This is about the time he found his joy in acting as well.
Now he is in the 8th grade, still off medication, doesn’t have loud outbursts, talks on a normal level, doesn’t plug his ears to hear or speak, only rocks around us as a comfort thing (as I did this as well growing up), and is working on looking people in the eye when he is spoken to or speaking to others. I can’t express accurately the pride I have for Ryan because he has overcome ridicule, bullying, and insecurities along the way and he is so positive!
So, to sit and watch him in this role as Mayor in Music Man, singing, laughing and enjoying this gift God has given him, I can say, yes I’m proud. Now if I could just get him to recognize that the world isn’t black or white…living with a ‘genius’ sometimes has its drawbacks because they ‘know everything’. 🙂
It is my prayer today that we can hug our children on what also happens to be Universal Children’s Day today. I think at times we don’t give our children enough credit in what obstacles they can learn to overcome if given the resources, guidance and sincere support along the way. I have two children that are both smart, great kids but also two individuals that are different in so many ways and they need to be accepted for their individuality.
“We were all children once. And we all share the desire for the well-being of our children, which has always been and will continue to be the most universally cherished aspiration of humankind.”
We the Children: End-decade review of the follow-up
to the World Summit for Children
Report of the Secretary-General (2001)
Blessings
Shannon