Hopeful Hearts Ministry

Today I was paid in full.  There are moments where I feel guilty because I am not contributing to the household income…rather I’m taking from it to do what I feel called to do.  But on days like today I am able to receive the benefit of the work I feel called to do in lieu of a paycheck.  😉

I met with  a young woman who I was first introduced to one year ago after she had been kidnapped and raped.  She has given me permission to share a bit of her story and her picture.  Her name is Liz and she is 22 years old.  She suffers with a condition that lends to seizures so often she was at the mercy of public transportation because her condition prevents her from driving.  ‘Free spirited’ she trusted everyone and often would ask strangers for rides instead of taking the bus.  One day she was downtown waiting on the bus, struck up a conversation with a man who then offered her a ride home.  He didn’t take her home and ignoring her pleading and demands to stop the car so she could get out he took her against her will.

What Liz had to suffer could have easily broken her spirit.  When I met with her a year ago she battled with self-blame, anger, and depression which lent to alcohol abuse.  “How will I ever get over this?” I recall her asking over and over again.  By the time we met she was already in professional counseling and I encouraged her to continue and to find help to stop the drinking.  We spoke survivor to survivor and I understood what she was dealing with in that moment.  I’d lived through it.  Being further along the path of healing I was able to encourage her to take it one step, one moment, one breath at a time.  To hold on to hope knowing the day would come that the strength she had inside would dispel the residue of the evil that was done to her.

Last week I received a phone call from her letting me know how she was doing one year later.  I could hear her spirit shine through her voice.  “It’s been a year and I’m doing good,” she said.  “You said last year that you might have something for me…do you have it?”

One year ago I could only hope that I would have the Hopeful Hearts Logo made into a charm but I had no idea it would come to fruition.  I’d forgotten I told her that and I was shocked at my own presumption to promise such a thing when I wasn’t sure I could deliver.  But thanks be to GOD I could deliver and thanks to those of YOU who have bought the charm so I could give away free charms to survivors.

Today we met and the young woman who stood before me was brighter, happier, and stronger.   “I’ve been sober 6 months, Shannon,” she said with pride. “Six months!”  I could not have been more proud to witness the transformation before me.

She thought she was invincible, she told me when she recalled what happened a year ago.  “I never thought anything bad could happen but now I’m more careful and I don’t hitch hike anymore.”  When we put the charm around her neck and I told her what it meant she recalled something else that happened in her life a few years prior.  An extra-curricular activity instructor was verbally and mentally abusive, often yelling at her, calling her names, making her jump at the sound of his voice.  She said she hated going because he made her feel stupid, insignificant and worthless.  “In fact,” she said,” it’s probably harder for me to get over that than the rape because it went on for three years,” she said.  “Is that weird?”

“No, of course not,” I said.  “It’s understandable.  He wore you down, taking a jab at your spirit every chance he was given.  There is not one type of abuse that is any ‘worse’ than the other but when you are subjected to it repeatedly the effect can be deeper.”  I sat back and looked at her and admired how much she’s overcome and I said to her, “I’m so proud of you for having the courage to accept and get the help you needed.”

I had to leave her to pick up the boys and in the car-line at school I received an email from another survivor who, after some time, finally felt comfortable to tell me her full story of dealing with emotional and physical abuse for years as a child.  Knowing this person I now see the correlation between her giving and compassionate spirit and what she has lived through.  I am amazed at the resilience of our spirits.  But one truth remains that struck me with both stories… yes, we often hear how ‘resilient’ children are but what I’ve come to see is that what we endure as children builds up till it finds a release when we are adults.  Often that can result in the anger, rage, and depression but when talked about and dealt with or acknowledged the ‘resilience’ it took to live through it can be the gift that builds another up, encouraging and inspiring others.