I’m suffering from aches, pains and sadness due to an overwhelming sense of responsibility and an overlapping wave of change. I love serving the Lord but sometimes in the realm in which I’m called to ‘show up’ and serve I wish I didn’t have to be so privy to certain aspects of humanity.
In days like today it’s not that I’m dealing with just one aspect of an emotional trigger. I am human after all. That issue I’m struggling with for instance often brings up a clash of emotion. First there is a stinging sensation of anger, anger at the parties involved and anger at the ENEMY for being persistent in smothering them in lies. Second the disappointment in the situation is so suffocating it debilitates the discernment process for my involvement.
It seems I will go through those range of emotions until God moves the situation forward or chooses to move ME.
So keep that in mind as an underlying basis for my every day at least for the time being. Add on the other aspects of dealing with ministry, friends, family and daily interactions with the world and it brings me to this ’emo’ moment. Today was filled with a lot of disappointment, change in some things in life that have been pretty solid for the past few years and I ended it with a pastoral council meeting where I stared at a ‘proposal’ for what my job is and what my long term goals are and I realized that I’m just not on the same page.
I don’t know. The thing is, I’m showing up…I am. All this is taking place and I’m doing the best I can to go slowly, take it day by day and wait for God to lead the next step. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m in that standstill period…it is one of the most exciting places to be but also the most difficult to maneuver with ease. I know whatever is to be the outcome it will be an amazing new chapter for me and I’m excited to share this with all of you. However, it is an emotional journey so bare with me. “Greater things are yet to come, greater things are still to be done …”..in me.
Blessings
Shannon