Grrr… Neal is a bear today. I’m not proud to admit but Neal’s had an addiction to tobacco since he was 17. The ‘dipping’ kind…not cigarettes. They are both equally bad though. He declared he was quitting the nasty habit yesterday after dealing with everything going on at work, he figured it was a good time since he was already dealing with the stress. Anyway, he has quit before and each time he’s quit his gaze becomes fierce and his usual gentle voice becomes a low, irritable growl.
It’s amazing how the two of us are so connected that he can be in this mood and it inadvertently affects my day. With little phone calls throughout the day where he was short and not his usual positive, easy going self, my shoulders tensed. Surrender – I keep hearing in my head (and it seems I hear it everywhere around me.) “Surrender!” I want to insert the notion into his heart so that I can see the peace soften his features. By dinner time the ice in the air from his chilly demeanor could be picked and sculpted into bear traps capturing every pessimistic comment he gave on life.
Despite the mood I remained calm, collected and quite peaceful. It didn’t take me long to realize why…because I…surrendered. I did my best to volley the negative worries and returned them with positive affirmations and the reminder of the promise that God will take care of us.
My friends…it worked. 🙂 The ice began to melt and a tired, weary Neal looked at me and smiled. “Well I’m glad at least one of us can see the bright side today.” When he said that I realized I was catching a glimpse of God’s planning…but it could only work if I had opened myself to His will. God knew one of us needed to trust Him during this time and if we were both in a ‘dark’ place we would only feed on each others negativity and bury ourselves in the pit of despair. In our marriage it is God and then us as a team, a model of the Trinity. Ideally we should both be looking up at God and in full surrender but when the time hits and our defenses are down I believe if God can manage to reach at least one of us then He gives us the strength to carry the other around the pit.
The great thing is, even when Neal has these rare moments of morphing into a ‘bear’ his kind heart is never buried too deep. He came into the bedroom before taking Seth to baseball practice and said, “I’m sorry…I’m just in that mood and I know it’s not fair to you. But I’m glad you are positive. I will get through this.”
Yes he will. Thanks be to God!
🙂
(pray for him to KICK THE HABIT!!)
Blessings
Shannon