When put next to 40, 13 does not seem such a big number. Looking back at when I was 13 it feels like both a lifetime and yet not that long ago. The fruit of 13 years of marriage cultivated 2 children, living in 3 different houses in 2 different towns, owning 5 different dogs (1 turtle and 3 fish and 2 hamsters- all short lived) and getting into and out of debt 3 different times. 😉 The years I’ve spent in ministry (fully and completely accepting my call) has only been 10 years, to put that in perspective it doesn’t seem like such a long time…and yet, then again it’s hard to imagine the 28 years spent outside of who I am today.
This morning when I opened the door to Ryan’s bedroom to wish him a HAPPY 13TH BIRTHDAY I was taken back by how grown up he suddenly appeared to me – literally overnight. 🙁 “Happy Birthday, Ryan! I love you,” I said and he looked up at me, smiled, and with a deep voice said, “Thanks mom.” Then he got out of bed and came over and gave me a hug. A real hug, you know, when they wrap both arms around you? This typically isn’t normal for Ryan who has never been one to cuddle, hug or want to accept or show any type of affection. I accepted my gift with gratitude and as soon as it was given he was done and I was dismissed so he could get ready for school.
All morning I’ve been thinking about the 13 years of Ryan’s life. How in some aspects it is not long at all because I can remember so vividly each and every stage he went through from birth till teen …. and every stage I went through in my own inner battles along the way. In hashing up those awful memories of how I behaved and who I could have become I catch myself and praise God I saw who He made me to be AND that Ryan survived me. 😉 On rare occasions Ryan and I get to be alone, when I drive him to piano or to get his allergy shots and he talks to me. It is in those moments I fall in love deeper than I thought a mother’s heart could love and on many occasions Ryan continues to be the catalyst to teach me how to ‘stop’, ‘think’, ‘don’t judge’, and ‘accept’.
My baby is 13 today and I am blessed.
Blessings
Shannon