Caught up on sleep I went into the day with a great ‘bang’. I was blessed to have a meeting with my spiritual director, Msgr. Charles Elmer, who is an 85 year old retired priest that still manages to stay involved by giving direction to the seminarians and ME. I adore Msgr. Elmer and he is truly connected with the Holy Spirit. Nearly every month when I go into to see him I will pray before hand that God works on particular issues I’m discerning and sure enough before I have time to begin recanting my many issues he begins with a prayer that focus’ on the two of us meeting God in the moment and then he will ask God for specific direction that MATCHES WHAT I PRAYED FOR THAT MORNING. It is uncanny…
There was a common thread for the rest of the day. It came to me out of nowhere to reconnect with a friend and I had the privilege to share in a progression of grief due to the loss of a child. Listening to how she’s managed to gather strength in her journey was inspiring. She is a great woman of faith and sometimes it is harder to suffer when you know spiritually it is in His hands.
Then again this afternoon I spoke with a young gentleman who is going through some growing pains in his career which is causing him to falter spiritually. This is a young man that embues living as Christ’s light in the world. However, the somewhat sinister actions of those around him to put that light out is beginning to wear him down spiritually.
To top off the theme for the day I received a letter from a young woman that I’ve known for quite some time who had recently experienced some of the very same tragedy that I have experienced in my past. I was there for her during the aftermath but then it seemed she literally dropped off the radar. She wrote to explain she had been going through a time of healing and embracing her worth and she was writing to apologize…but of course I never held any hard feelings. I am the first to know the journey is at times very rocky when you are putting on a new coat of worth and strength.
Ironically, I had to compose a short talk the Cornerstone Bible study for this week’s lesson and the lesson was on the miracle of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead (John Ch. 11). The study focused on the pain and suffering Mary and Martha went through in the loss of their brother. Especially after the conversations and the letter, where I needed to go to offer a point of reference for everyone unfolded without effort.
I realize I’ve said I would keep these short and to the point but I feel I need to include the talk to share with all of you. And for those of you that don’t know, my husband, Neal, was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in October of ’08. I reference Neal and his personal suffering toward the end:
I found it interesting for this week of study that the miracle revealed by Jesus was the raising of Lazarus from the dead…and in this book of John the event that follows is the beginning of Christ’s crucifixion that leads to his ultimate rising from the dead.
It would make sense, to give those he loves dearly, those most close to him, and example of what pain might be felt to have someone so close to you die, and to feel so abandoned because he was not there to ‘save him’ before his death…
Yet he waits a few days and then commands Lazarus to ‘come out’. The commentary does an exceptional job of correlating the miracle of Lazarus’ resurrection to Christ’s teaching them that there is LIFE in death. I do believe Christ’s had all sorts of lessons in regards to death and life but the one that touches me the most is when Christ proclaims, “This illness is not to end in death but so that the glory of God will be revealed through it.”
This is a beautiful proclamation from Christ and when embraced it can bring such comfort. But sometimes when you are suffering the tragedy or the ‘illness’ as stated here the human pain can keep us from accepting the end result. Most often when we are struck down by illness or tragedy, or if someone close to us is suffering we can be angry and feel defeated. We want to see the end result, to surpass the pain and the waiting and often this opens the door to resentment because life isn’t going ‘our way’ and soon we forget what happiness is.
But what IS happiness? This weekend on retreat we discussed this very question and I think it serves well to discuss it now. Because isn’t it those of us that are suffering that desire to be happy? I mean those that are already happy…well apparently they’ve figured it out, right?
Happiness is the CONSEQUENCE of DOING what is right and about being FULFILLED in who God wants us to be.
(say it again)
And perfection (oh how we grapple with perfection) well it is to achieve your end.
The way I see it, when tragedy strikes, whether it’s a death of a loved one, an illness, or loss of a job, etc. we often get put into that ‘waiting’ mode and it is in the waiting we allow the resentment and anger to fester and soon our faith falters and we feel we’ll never find happiness again. But what this is saying is that we have to be diligent in keeping our minds focused on who God wants us to be, and that includes how we WAIT. And if we are diligent in this, taking it day by day then we will find happiness and perfection because then we will have achieved who God wants us to be, fully relying on Him.
I have come to a place in my life that I don’t anticipate what is to come, I want to embrace what is because this is what God has led me to.
As Romans 8:18 states:
I consider that the sufferings of this present time are as nothing compared with the glory to be revealed for us.
You see, Jesus had to use the death of Lazarus as an example of the mystery of resurrection so that a HOPE could be replaced in the time of suffering.
One of Neal’s favorite songs is While I’m Waiting by John Waller Instead of playing it for you today, I thought it might serve better to read what captures the hope in Neal.
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Blessings
Shannon
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