Neal and I signed our wills today. It never gets easier signing a directive that will only be read when you are no longer ‘present’. Even though I live my life for the day that I no longer have to battle this chaotic earth and get to be at peace in the calm of eternity, it still causes an inner sense of dread to arise.
I no longer fear death because I believe in God’s promise:
John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life.
John 10:28
I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish. No one can take them out of my hand.
The promise to never parish living in a life that suffers no more sorrow, pain, agony, disappointment, rejection, hatred, fear, guilt, longing, shame, insecurity and unworthiness is worth my focus.
But I’m human and I am living in a world that encompasses all those emotions and ties to original sin and because of these I dread whatever it is that will take me from this life into that eternal life. And I agonize over my children and what I will miss when I’m not here physically. Not to mention knowing the sorrow and pain they would suffer at any point in their life, especially if it were to be soon.
Ugh. The whole process can lead you down a tunnel of despair! 🙁
I am so glad I do not know the future! I’d focus more on my end than the moment of my living! However, I am glad we got that loose end tied. There is a comfort in knowing that even though you are not ‘present’ your voice can still be heard. 🙂
Blessings
Shannon