I spent this gorgeous, non-eventful day nursing my home-sick wound. Last night Neal and I went to a party of a friend of his that was hosting a 50th birthday for his wife’s sister. Even though we did not know anyone except for the hosts his friend said it would mean a lot for us to be there, so we went. It doesn’t bother me to be with a group that I do not know, Neal used to say I could get the social security number from a light pole! 😉
It was a gorgeous night for a party and the beautiful birthday gal was enjoying herself as were all the guests. A few hours into the night they called everyone in to show a video that one of the cousins had done as a gift. Music plays and picture after picture pops up on the screen. At first it was a random selection of pictures of her traveling with friends, parties in the long ago past and probably recent years. Then the song changed and the theme was geared more toward her with family. Her with her sisters, then with her parents and many with the brother they’d all lost to a tragic accident years ago and many with dozens of cousins.
There was laughter and some tears among the group watching the video and I was in the very back in the kitchen choking back my own tears. Embarrassed at my reaction I left the house and went outside to try and calm down. It felt ridiculous to cry when it wasn’t even my family! The entire video was of someone I’d met only a few hours before! But the tears wouldn’t stop burning the corners of my eyes. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Neal had come up behind me and bent over to wipe a tear away. Before I could even realize what the source of the pain was my voice put it to words, “I miss my family.”
Neal knelt down beside me. “But you get to see your family, they aren’t that far away.” As hard as I tried to swallow them back the tears escaped despite my best effort. “No, I mean my entire family. I miss being able to see my cousins and I hate that my boys don’t know all the cousins that they have. We have pictures just like that video. Ryan and Seth have so many cousins and they will never have memories like the ones I have.” I couldn’t take the truth of it all and I stood up to walk to a corner of the yard before everyone came back outside.
Tucked away in the dark corner I cried for my family. What made it worse is that I know I’ll see them again, mostly when there is a death in the family which makes the reality worse but the tears were for my boys. There is a gift we receive when we are with family and even though many family members can be quite ‘crazy’ and it’s good to only see them once a year, there is an honor in knowing you are tied with an invisible connection that adds an instant common denominator.
The dynamic of family changes and I realized this years ago when my grandfather died and my grandmother moved out of her house and stopped having the yearly family gatherings. I knew then that one day I would be crying in a corner sad for my children because they would not know what it was to look forward to that once a year to make connections with people that loved you simply because you were family.
It’s okay. We make due with what the dynamic is now. And maybe one day I can gather the family together and start a new tradition. Maybe.
Blessings
Shannon