I said ‘no’.
Even though the opportunity that had presented itself to me was enticing and one I knew God could harvest great fruit, I felt deep down that it was not a good time specifically for my family. I feel really good about having said ‘no’ and in many ways this is quite liberating. It’s easier to say ‘no’ to things that are obvious in their distraction. But to say ‘no’ to something because it will be a distraction yet is a good one, well that’s hard to do. I want to do it all! 🙂 When I spoke to my friend to break the news God continued to bless me in the decision by giving her the right words to say and to back up my discernment.
It wasn’t surprising then, to be spiritually attacked today. I was with my boys at the new Kingwood Library (which is would like to put a plug in and tell all of you Kingwood’ites’ to VISIT it soon! You’ll love it!) and I began to look at the “New Releases” they had lined up on a shelf. I browse through the Fiction and then spot a few Memoir’s. As I pick up the first one I can faintly hear a little voice in my head say, “Put it back, you know you’ll just begin comparing their writing to yours.” I didn’t listen. I mean, who listens to crazy voices in their head?! 😉 I read a few pages and that’s when it began…the doubt that burns like a smoldering cigarette butt contaminating my confidence and burning a hole in my esteem. Quickly, I put it back and shook off the fear that wanted to scream all of the things I should have done differently when writing my story. But it was like I was an addict jonesing for another fix. I picked up the next Memoir and began to read, this one wasn’t as good, it at least stomped out the fire but the burn remained. Like a rush all of the critical comparisons flooded my brain allowing me to drown in fear.
UGH! 🙁
“What’s done is done,” I told myself. “God is a God of miracles…” I text and emailed a few friends asking for prayers and their words of encouragement set a cool compress to the scarred doubt. It IS in His hands and I DO trust Him.
I hate that the enemy is so quick to jump when I become solid in what God wants me to do! Little jerk. 😉 I’ll allow that flame to come back only to fuel the fire I have to FIGHT BACK and kick some enemy BUTT. Ha!
Okay, I feel better now.
Blessings
Shannon