I have three children, two that I’m blessed with here on earth and one in heaven. For awhile after having Seth I was afraid to have more children…worried I wasn’t the best at being a mom. God knew what my issues were and helped me resolve them. Once He moved us to Kingwood I desperately wanted another child but that was not to be in the cards for us. Instead, I was told I would need a hysterectomy. I was 31 years old. Once given the news I sat in my car in the parking lot of the doctor’s office and bounced back and forth between two distinct emotional reactions:
1 – Sheer sadness and guilt. Was this a punishment for all of my past mistakes and decisions made since being a wife and mother? At this time I had just begun the youth ministry program in Kingwood and I knew that having a baby would take me away from the ministry.
2 – Peace. I wanted a child but with or without the surgery I would not be able to physically carry another pregnancy. This meant that God felt my family was finished. (Unless we adopted.)
After the surgery is when the ministry took off and it became clear that God was blessing me not with another child but the gift of being there for the young men and women in the youth group (and then later on to those that I met at conferences). Five years later when it was clear I had given so much of myself to the ministry at the parish that my own family was slowly being neglected I had to leave the youth ministry program. This was devastating….almost like leaving your child but I knew they were in good hands with the new youth minister. I was worried that I would lose that feeling of being ‘complete’.
The last two years have gone by fast and it has been an adjustment. But God is so gracious and understanding of our needs. I had begun to miss getting to know the kids at the parish and being involved in their faith journey. Out of the blue I was asked to help chaperone the Sr Send Off retreat and give a talk. I was so excite to have this opportunity! I hadn’t been on a retreat with the youth in nearly two years and retreats were always my most favorite part of the ministry. This is where I was yesterday and this morning.
I was blessed to have the time and get to know another era of kids that were all knew faces, personalities and on so many levels of their faith journey. One young man came to me last night and asked if we could just talk. We sat down and he said he just wanted to be able to get to know me and ask me questions about our faith because he’d heard so many good things about me over the years. I was so humbled and honored. We sat down and he asked questions about our faith for almost two hours. This young man is a sophomore in high school. I was so impressed by his tenacity and drive to become well-formed in his faith. There were many others like him and it was so promising to see all of these faithful young men and women striving to be closer to be closer to Christ.
This Mother’s Day I believe I’ve been given the unconditional love of my children and husband and also the admiration and respect of our next promising generation. I love these kids so much and I don’t have to know them. I love them because they are my brother’s and sister’s in Christ and I love them because they are seeking after OUR FATHER. It was a great Mother’s Day to be able to wake up and have 100 teens tell you “Happy Mother’s Day!”. It’s a beautiful thing. 🙂
Here are some crazy pictures of the retreat so you can get a glimpse into these amazing young men and women.
