I’m 36 years old and I journal to God. I was thinking about the fact that I’ve journaled since I was 9 years old, writing letters to God always beginning with, ‘Dear God’ until the summer after my 8th grade year. I was 13 years old then. The journals stopped for awhile and then I picked them up again the summer after my freshman year. I didn’t address the entries to God, though you can clearly tell I was writing to someone but not certain if I was worthy to come back to that someone. It wasn’t until I had the fateful conversion moment when I was 27 that I began to address the journals directly to God again, this time beginning “Good morning (or evening) God (or Father)”.
I have found it ironic that I write in my journal in adoration. I’m writing to God even though I’m amidst his presence. 🙂 Honestly, knowing that I’ve set aside that hour to meet with him and then purge every worry, anxiety, fear, joy, and sadness from the past week onto the paper and in his presence is the fuel that gets me out of bed at 3:45am to do so. I don’t hold back either. It’s like the paper is a portal to His heart and the second I commit the ink of thought to the paper he absorbs it entirely and whatever the feeling was that fueled the words is then gone.
During this time of journaling I sometimes get thoughts that come out of nowhere but stay pressed on my conscious. If it stays throughout the day I typically surmise that it is a direction from God…a subtle hint of what I should do next. It doesn’t happen all the time but when it has, and I act on the thought or idea, it always turns out to be in my best interest. This morning I had this strong feeling instead of writing this other ‘fiction’ book I was playing around with I should begin writing the sequel to Exposed. I know, I know. Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. It just came out. But when the thought came, so did the flow of the book…all the memories of the crazy ‘God’ moments that I’ve shared in some talks but not many know about them, and the pertinence of them to my healing that could help others to heal as well, especially within my marriage. There is a different dynamic in a marriage when the wife has been victim to sexual and emotional abuse. Plus there is Neal’s conversion story and ultimately where we are today.
I don’t know. It’s still that ‘thought’ that hasn’t rubbed off yet. Maybe I’ll play around with a chapter break down and see what happens. It obviously has significance with me because it is what I chose to write about. Beyond two meetings I had with men again today and setting up my first book signing! (yeah!) SUNDAY, JUNE 13 The Book Worm 2-4:30pm.
If the thought remains and I act on it, I’ll let you know. 🙂
Blessings
Shannon