I’m experiencing the oddest sensation today. It is as if my body and my spirit are two separate entities trying to cohabitate within the same space and neither is feeling ‘at home’. I tried to explain it to a coworker of mine this morning. It is as if I’m exhausted and need to sleep and it could be explained as a dizziness…however I’m fully alert.
I ate something, went home and slept for about 1/2 an hour (it’s all I got, too much on the mind) and yet I’m still here stuck in this strange way. At one point it seemed what I needed was a good cry. I don’t know why, I have no reason to need to cry at this time. All things are going my way, almost to an extreme that I’m overwhelmed by God’s love. But I didn’t cry.
Amidst this crazy void I still managed to receive a welcoming phone call from a friend of mine who speaks on the Steubenville team with me. She had read my book in one day and called to congratulate me. The praise she gave warmed my heart as it is nice to receive the recognition from someone that is also in the ‘field’ if you will. To get the approval of peers is nice and confirming.
Plus, I think God gave it to me as a little gift after experiencing the ‘other foot dropping’ on Saturday night. I was at a friend’s home and they had two gentlemen in visiting from out of town. My host mentioned to them that I wrote a book, so naturally they asked what it was about. I’m always hesitant to jump right in when I’m speaking to men. I wish I wasn’t but I think it is obvious why I am. They seemed receptive and kept asking questions so I was honest in giving the answers. However, by the end of the night their attitude changed and after they asked me specifically to give an example of something from the book, I saw them exchange a look that made me want to clam up and stop talking all together. I rushed through the rest of the story and one of them men said, “Well, I guess that’s my excuse to have another year or so without finding a wife!” and then the two men high fived each other right in front of me. 🙁
They don’t know anything about me and hadn’t read the book so their attitude is not one that scars but it still stung. It’s all good though. 🙂
My neck feels like it’s holding up a 20 lb bowling ball. I think it’s time to go.
Blessings
Shannon