Have you ever wondered if what you do in the course of a day is enough? I’m plagued by this the most when I have a day like today…where I didn’t have anything specific to do so instead of sitting by idly I went to work in the dreaded ‘office’ that is yet really to be an ‘office’. Before I went to task I made sure the grocery shopping was done, kids were happy with new library books and all other little miscellaneous tasks complete (basically I was stalling…). But I finally got to it and after an hour and a half of sorting, piling, etc I feel good about the state of the office(without a desk and bookshelf). At least the boxes of books are now organized and I finally hung our degrees. 😉
Through the day I received two texts from the Caring Bridge site for Joseph Stanton and I’ve stopped everything to say a prayer for the doctor to do surgery to put in a shunt, then that the surgery would go well, and now I hear it has and I’m praying for Terri specifically as I’m sure she’d probably give anything to be stuck in an non-eventful day hearing her boy grumbling because he is bored. That’s when I wonder…am I doing enough?
I was flipping through the television guide hoping to catch a LIFETIME movie (my liking to Lifetime movies goes back to when I grew up and we had the Sunday night special movie before Lifetime was even a ‘network’…and Mom and Dad would always watch it so it was something I knew I could watch with them too and we’d really get into the plot)…anyway, I diverse…so as I was flipping I realized that I wasn’t looking at what was on EWTN (which then made me think of my aunt and uncle who watch EWTN all the time) and then it made me think of my grandmother and how she had her worn prayer book with all the pages faded and falling out, her rosary beads melded to her hands. Suddenly, I couldn’t help but ask myself, “Am I doing enough?”
It isn’t about how many rosaries I pray, I’d done one this morning as I do every morning and even had quiet time this morning just me and God in our own little world before the boys woke up. I’ve often brought this struggle to my spiritual adviser and he’d chastise me for comparing my prayer life with someone else. But I can’t help but be plagued by the guilt that I am here free to make a choice to watch a cheesy movie or to be on my knees fervently in prayer and how Terri doesn’t have that choice right now. Every time I do make a strong effort to pray for Joseph, Terri, Rob and the rest of the family I think about how much I would want others to pray for me and my family as well if we were in the same situation.
I don’t know if I’m making sense, or if I’m just making myself look really bad… but I’m just letting you know what’s been on my heart today. This nagging question has made me take more time in this idleness to pray…but I still chose to read my fiction novel (because there wasn’t a decent movie on) instead of turning it to EWTN. 🙁 Does that mean I shouldn’t send them a book and expect them to want to endorse me? 😉
Ugh…God is definitely showing me I’m a huge work in progress.
Continue to pray for the Stantons.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/thomasjosephstanton
Blessings
Shannon