If you are my friend on Facebook then you have seen my update on what happened today. I had rushed home from dropping off the women at the airport in order to make 11am Mass. I was hoping to make LIFETEEN Mass but Seth had baseball practice at 4pm so it wasn’t going to work out. Thankfully we make it just in time and throughout Mass I kept thinking about a comment one of the women made over the weekend. She was referring to her mom being in ministry when she grew up and that her roommate was brought up in the same type household with parents heavily involved in ministry. I was expecting that she would say that was why she felt comfortable doing it as well, instead she said (paraphrased), “We have a lot of wounds from our moms being in ministry. I guess a sense of abandonment.”
She said this on the first day we were together and it stuck like a dagger to my heart. If there is one battle I struggle with most it is the balancing act between doing the ministry I’m certain HE has called me to and my number one vocation of being a wife and mother. I’ve felt I’ve remained as balanced as possible with putting family events first and only booking out of town events once a month (or twice depending on how much I was ‘absent’ the month before). When she said this it hurt to think that my kids would feel wounded by my calling. I’ve always looked at it in the way that I not only am home more than any other mom that works a secular job and the boys are aware that my job is helping others and (hopefully) bringing them closer to Christ.
This remained with me throughout the weekend (especially considering i was away from my family!)and I didn’t bring it up again because I also began to realize there were many other extenuating circumstances in both her life and her roommates childhood. I took it to prayer every morning and tried to ‘let it go’.
So in Mass I prayed as the boys sat next to me that they felt my comfort and love and knew that they truly were number one in my life. We went to communion and when we made it back to the pew Seth looked up at me, scrunched up his nose and said, “Mom, this tastes stale.” I leaned down and whispered, “It’s Jesus, it doesn’t matter what it tastes like.” He made the face again and whispered back, “Well, Jesus is stale. He should be more fresh.”
I got a kick out of that and began to laugh which made Seth laugh and egged him on as well. He kept going saying, “That’s all I’m saying mom, Jesus is stale, like styrofoam.” I shouldn’t have provoked him but it was funny and I could see it pleased him to be the cause to my laughter (in a good way).
In many ways this is what marked the day for me because it not only gave me laughter (which is always a good thing), but bonded us together and throughout the day he would bring it up again and I could see in his face he just wanted to please me.
I can’t say whether or not my kids are becoming ‘wounded’ by the time I spend away from them in ministry. I’m certain there are many things they can (and will) bring to a counseling table that are stemmed from my best effort at parenting. However, I can not allow the enemy to ‘tempt’ me into thinking I’m a bad mom and walk away from what I know is a call. And at the same time I realize I can’t allow the enemy to tempt me into craving more of the ministry than my time with family.
As with all things it is and will be a daily battle to discern what GOD’S WILL is for my every move. All I can do best is to love (and laugh) ;).
Blessings
Shannon