Forgive me if this seems to be a rambling entry, I am working on lack of sleep. 🙂 It was a whirlwind visit to Minot, ND…but I would say a successful one. I was very impressed with Bishop Ryan High School and all of the teens (both from the private and public schools in the area). The crew that put The Rock program together were truly servants at heart and to witness so many teens in prayerful adoration to our Lord was a sight.
I’ll admit I was working with a little demon whispering in my ear (aka: shall we call it Screwtape or Wormwood?) telling me that there was just too much material to try to get across in an effective way. Throughout the day when I wasn’t reading C.S. Lewis’ The Screwtape Letters (a book depicting the correspondence between two demons, a proctored uncle named Screwtape and his ‘nephew’ Woodworm) I was trying to gather my train of thought for the evening’s event and I couldn’t seem to get anything to flow in my mind. I’d done the talk before but it was off pure adrenaline because I literally had no voice, couldn’t hear and was barely keeping myself standing because of an awful cold. This time I felt fine, almost more than fine, I had too much time on my hands. As I mentioned in a previous entry I’d tried reading The Screwtape Letters before and I couldn’t do it…now I was reading it and it was messing with my head. If I came up with one direction for the talk to go I thought it might be too self-serving, and if I came up with another direction I was too insecure with my ability to quote verses or doctrine behind it, and on and on and on. Finally, in surrender I journaled an entry to God and did my best to put it in His hands and let it go.
I don’t believe it was the best talk I’d done, I certainly found areas that I wish I would’ve expanded on while not discussing some of the things that came forward but it isn’t about me. God did what He needed to do and I hear the kids asked for a special reconciliation service (praise be to GOD!) and the talk brought up some great discussion in their classes. As always, God is the one who will do the moving.
But it was just like Screwtape to dig in his nasty claws the minute I was alone in my hotel room. I’m not afraid of the enemy but it sure gets tiring battling to overcome the lies he incessantly whispers in my ears. At least I recognize it now instead of falling into the snare of insecurity that the enemy has waiting with eager anticipation.
After 5 hours on a plane today (beginning at 5am) I am now home and was grateful to use the time I had before the chaos of kids and programs to get caught up in other housewife duties. Screwtape did not defeat me, instead I volleyed back with my own incessant prayers to God to give me the grace to shut out the negative. And if there is one thing I can always count on is that God is ever faithful and always delivers!
Your prayers helped and I am grateful and blessed!!
Blessings
Shannon