The message was loud and very clear today – it’s time to get off my duff and find my JOY. 😉
After spending an entire day with my co-workers during another team building ‘retreat’ day I left at the end of the day feeling in more turmoil than ever before. The ‘something’ that has been nagging at me, the same ‘something’ I’ve been bringing to the table every time I speak with my spiritual adviser, just became magnified. Somewhere along the way in my transitioning from being youth minister to focusing more on being a mom but still doing ministry I have lost my joy.
Don’t get me wrong. I have not lost joy in being a mother or lost joy in doing ministry work at the parish…however, trying to do both well seems to be the cause of my internal battle because I feel (no one has said, this is just my feeling) that I am doing both with only half of what I have to offer because I can’t offer my ‘whole’ to either. At least not mixing these two particular roles together.
I went in to discuss this with my boss and she asked me what it was that gave me that ‘joy’. Instantly I thought about being a mother and at the same time about how I feel when I get to speak and write. They both give me a great amount of joy. But I’ve always felt the speaking and writing has been ‘icing on the cake’ and not necessarily something I’m allowed to consider as a part of my ‘joy’, let alone what could be my full time ministry besides being a mother. It is a goal of mine, to focus on being a mom and having more time to write and open myself up for more opportunity to speak…I guess I felt that I needed to be tied to the parish ministry in order to remain ‘in ministry’.
She didn’t say anything else, just left me to ponder my own revelations. Not to say that I’m acting on anything at this time. I think most importantly it is time for me to be face to face with God and put it to Him to help me recognize opened and closed doors. But one thing is for certain, I need to find my JOY again.
Later in the evening as I was waiting for Seth’s baseball game to begin I was reading a friend’s manuscript that she is preparing for Servant Publishers. They are publishing her book for young women and being that she does not consider herself a ‘writer’ she has asked that I give her my insight. As I was reading this particular chapter she begins talking about facing this exact same quandary that I am in. It couldn’t have been any clearer. In her written thought it was as if she was speaking to me. It was a great chapter. 😉
Finally, the last ‘aha’ moment came through the revelation my son, Seth, experienced in the final moments of their game. Now, sidebar… I am NOT sports oriented. I already know I’ll have many of you wanting to tell me I’ve said something wrong…whatever. 🙂 We were tied 6-6 and Seth said coach was going to put him in to pitch, or had him practicing (now Seth pitched first 2 games of season…needed much more practice, got nervous and told coach he didn’t want to pitch anymore. So he hadn’t pitched since and this is the 2nd game of the tournament!) . So, we begin the inning but Seth is not pitcher…and the other team gets 3 guys in…next thing I know a time out is called and Seth gets put in as pitcher! I’m dying…Neal isn’t even there to see this!! So, long story short Seth does the best I’ve ever seen!!!! He strikes two kids out, one after the other in no time, then one gets one in and they score and then the next guy hits a ball, Seth covers it, catches it and gets him out at 1sts. He was amazing!! We ended up losing the game b/c we couldn’t get the 5 runs in…but Seth played his best game ever! He was so happy! He realized he could do it. He found his joy! He was finally on fire. Finally telling his dad he wants to throw with him, to practice pitching and hitting to be ready for Spring. He just had to realize he could do it.
I hear you Lord, loud and clear! 🙂 The Joy of the Lord is My Strength.
Blessings!
Shannon