I’ve longed for a day like today. A time to have no commitments, nothing major on the list of ‘to do’s’ around the house, the kids didn’t need to be anywhere AND they were getting along. It was a dream. I had taped back to back reruns of the Criminal Mind series on A&E and settled down to simply veg. (Of course, I am a multitasker, so even though I ‘veg’ I was also doing laundry…can’t quite allow myself to just chill).
It was going pretty good too, until I got hungry and called for Chinese take out to be delivered. At exactly noon, the doorbell rang. OH NO! That’s right, the DOORBELL. What does Bailey, my vicious yellow lab hate the most? You got it. Before I could scream the last syllable of her name she went through the OTHER glass door! That poor delivery driver…a part of me wishes I had a camera to take a picture of his face as Bailey came crashing through the door, glass probably flying dangerously close (Oh, please Lord, do not let this become a law suit) and then hearing a crazy woman beat the fire out of her dog.
Yes, I was M A D. From that moment on I couldn’t ‘chill’. Thankfully, we already had a friend scheduled to come fix the doors and they arrived promptly one hour after the catastrophe. But for the rest of the day I was unsettled. I couldn’t focus on the TV so I took care of other loose ends. However, by the end of the day the unsettledness began to feel like anxiety.
This troubled me even more. Our doors were fixed, I still loved Bailey, even though she still remains on my short list at the moment and I managed to get more housework organized. So what was my problem?
When it was time to get ready for Mass I knew being in the presence of Christ was exactly what I needed. Once I slipped into the pew and settled in for the celebration I realized my thoughts all day were focused on so many superficial things – the doors, the finance of the doors, the finances period…then the meaningless organization of all our ‘things’ we have yet to unpack that reminded of the countless projects I want to begin or long to fulfill, etc, etc.
Throughout the day I would catch a glimpse of my Bible on the coffee table and think, “I should stop and read a passage.” Or “I should do another day of the Bible study.” But I didn’t. I blatantly refused to sit still and ‘be’ with God. Now here I was in His house and the anxiety vanished. I almost laughed out loud at my own stubbornness and then I thought about this little project. Just because I was by myself today didn’t mean God wasn’t asking me to ‘show up’…my body even physically longed to be near Him and rest in His comfort but I behaved like a petulant child and refused.
I normally pride myself in recognizing His call, just goes to show each day is truly a journey of growth.
Blessings
Shannon