Last night in adoration I wrote in my journal a specific prayer request about a decision that was being made in regards to where God is leading me in ministry. In my heart I felt the spirit confirming what I knew was to become a ‘new beginning’ for me but in order for this to happen a door has to be closed in order for God to open the next. The unfortunate aspect of a ‘door closing’ is that so much is wrapped up in the process. Consider it a door with squeaky hinges…it makes a lot of fuss when it closes. 🙂 Those squeaky hinges are first and foremost PRIDE, then UNCERTAINTY, and FEAR gets wedged in the cracks…but regardless of the loud stubborn hinges God manages to close the door.
I believe the gift I received today once I managed to close this door was receiving the excitement in the new beginning. 😀 I thought about all the other times in my life when I knew I needed to step away from what was ‘comfortable’ and into something new that held no limits or set expectations. One example that comes to mind is when I became youth minister for St. Martha’s. I was just getting comfortable at being a stay home mom, I had all sorts of plans to volunteer, get involved with mom’s groups in the area, and write ‘the’ book. I remember walking the greenbelt with the kids and thanking God for giving me this ‘comfortable’ life. I was blessed. Two months later I was called out by a woman who I had met before we moved to Kingwood when I toured the school. She recalled I mentioned having volunteered with the teens and so when she saw me she felt compelled to introduce me to the present youth minister because they were looking for a part-time person to help with their LIFETEEN program. In that very moment she took my kids and almost literally pushed me into an office with the youth minister, the head of adult formation and the DRE. I didn’t even have time to think! I left that day with the impending offer to be part time youth minister.
That day I went home and wrote in my journal praying to God for guidance. I need to find that prayer because I wouldn’t be surprised to see it match the one I wrote this morning. I thought I had it all figured out. I was comfortable. I was secure. And I was afraid to move on and enter into this ‘new door’. I wanted to write. And I knew that if I took the job, even being part time, I would not have that liberty as often as I would being home. One hour after I prayed I received a phone call from a publisher that had a fiction novel I’d written and had sent in for possible publication six months earlier. She wanted to inform me that they loved the book and were planning on accepting the manuscript but the company had to tighten their list and couldn’t accept new manuscripts, but, that they wanted me to resubmit at a later date.
It was the oddest phone call. She could have easily written me a rejection letter like most publishers. She didn’t have to call personally. However, God spoke to me through that phone call. What I heard that day was this, “Shannon, you are meant to write, just not right now. Do this for me and I will fulfill your dream when it is time.” I felt peace and the next day was offered the position and I accepted. Little did I know that four months later as the current youth minister was going through her own ‘new beginnings’ I was offered the full time position! The six years as youth minister (8 years in youth ministry) changed the course of my life and though it was tough at times I will never forget the harvest that came from that ‘random’ opportunity.
When I finished my journal entry this morning I realized I only have 1 page left in my journal. I like to have one journal for each year…yet I still have 43 days of this year left! However, I do see that it is fit to end on the closing of this ‘door’… I almost wish this entry could be day 365 as I see Day 1 of 2011 will find me embarking on uncharted territory…at least for me.
I wish I could be more specific but at this point I’d rather not. 😉 I just hope that this entry can help some of you who might be struggling with the same squeaky hinges that you will allow God to simply slam the door and get it over with!
😉
Blessings
Shannon