For 365 days (take away a few when we had no electricity or I was on a retreat without Internet service) I have been blogging daily about how God has shown up in my life and on the most blessed days the times I’ve managed to see how I’ve been available to show up for Him. My purpose in this ‘project’ was to personally keep focused on the ‘bigger picture’ in a day, even in the mundane.
I will be honest, there were many days that I sat in front of this keyboard and wondered “What in the world do I have worth sharing today?” It was in those moments that I literally sat back in the chair and processed the entire day, picking out the slightest detail of what God wanted me to learn. I think it was on those days that this project worked best because it made me look beyond the heavy fabric of the first layer of a typical day and into the second, third and even fourth layers that offered a glimpse of color and magnificent texture.
In reviewing this past year I will say that I feel it was pretty tame in comparison to some years I’ve had recently. Besides Neal’s MS episode in April and then the emergency landing in August and false positive medical condition in September I think I we skimmed through the year pretty unscathed. 😉
Here is the deal, I don’t really like to ‘look back’, I prefer to move forward. 🙂 That is why January 1st is my favorite day of the entire year. It’s a BRAND NEW year and offers so many wonderful possibilities. There is a hint of apprehension (just for a split second) wondering if I will be saying goodbye to family members that are holding on to their last moments or if we’ll turn a corner to receive a dreaded phone call that changes the course of one’s life when someone goes too young. That second passes because there is no point in fretting when you can’t be certain. I also feel a slight fear of anticipation of the good that could come. You might wonder why I would fear the good? It has been my experience that when I receive the ‘good’ it also comes with a great amount of responsibility and personal growth. I wonder for that split second ‘Am I ready to receive?” but then that passes too.
It all comes down to accepting His will in each day, whatever that might bring. I have a floor mat in my kitchen that reads:
CARPE DIEM
Seize the day.
I’ll end this day with where my discernment these last few months has led me. I know there were some pretty grueling (possibly boring) entries that showcased the agony I’ve been through in figuring out what God is asking of me. I will share what I know for certain:
In 2011 my focus will be more on speaking to groups that would like to hear about God’s grace in healing and forgiving. I want to do more for the Maria Goretti Network and more determined in getting a chapter in at least every Diocese across the United States, moving on to every parish in the US (might take longer than 2011 but we have to start with a dream). This summer I am taking a break from speaking with Steubenville and hope to take that time to be with the boys on their break and maybe even finish writing the book I promised them.
2011 will be about my family and about the ministry God’s called me into with being an advocate for abuse survivors. Whatever He wishes to do for me in that realm is the gift I will receive as each day unfolds. But this also means I will be giving up in some areas that I’ve always enjoyed. The scaling down will come gradually and will be difficult but that is where that ‘fear’ of the anticipation comes from good things. When one door closes another opens and it’s hard not to look back and wonder…is this right?
Such is the grace in faith.
Once 2011 begins this blog will be called JUST SHOW UP and I will blog a few times a week. I will also try to get a subscription service where you can sign up with an email so it can alert you to when a new entry has been added, free to you of course. 😉 (Give me some time on this one…have to look into it)
Thank you for your support, your emails and comments in 2010. You are loved.
Blessings
Shannon