I just spent an hour playing on priceline.com for a hotel deal in Austin for spring break. (no such luck, btw because I’m too cheap and too stubborn to raise my price!) If Seth wasn’t playing with a friend at the moment and Ryan not feeling well, only wanting to lay down and watch TV (which I can not do) I would only hope I’d be maybe playing a game with them or something. Otherwise I’m trading in one filler for another.
Another tidbit about myself I figured out today…I don’t enjoy free time. I need direction. There is plenty for me to do but I feel like a fish floundering out of water. What do I start on? Do I start reading a book? Which one? Or should I get busy writing? How much time do I spend of this ‘free time’ to write? Do I do it only when kids aren’t home? Why am I so afraid to sit and finish what I’ve started?
The scariest thought…am I really this lazy? The minute that popped in my head I checked my work email (though I’ve already put in five hours over my paid work week and plan to give at least another two before the work week is over). Of course I found an issue that trumped everything and put me into gear.
*sigh* When did I get so disorganized with my free time? Maybe it’s because I began filling it with vegging in front of the TV and instead of calling it ‘free time’ I felt obligated to watch the shows that were must see TV. Do you know that when I wrote EXPOSED I was at the busiest time of the ministry? Is that crazy? The busier I am the more organized I become.
The funny thing is…today really is the FIRST DAY I’ve found myself home for more than 2 hours at a time, during the week, while kids were in school, and that I had no obligations to meet with anyone or be in a meeting, etc etc since…???? Well, never in this new house…maybe last year in May??
Okay. I get it. Just writing it out has me thinking clearer. First of all, I need to give myself a break. Second of all, I need to get serious about writing again – no excuses. I love writing I just need to get over this fear of failure. Third, relax! Right? 🙂
I did spend a great amount of quiet time with Our Lord this morning … I did fail to mention that. I would have been watching the Today show to get the updates on the news but in that quiet moment I realized that if I kept anything going once my time with Jesus in the desert is finished, it will be meeting Him in the quiet of the morning – not while running to work out, or while getting kids ready to go to school, or while getting myself ready – but to make the effort to sit, get quiet, and be.
Seth’s friend just left and now he wants to play Yahtzee! Yeah! 🙂
Blessings
Shannon