Mass was the first thing on my mind when I woke up this morning. It is Monday and I’m at work all day, I take the kids to school and get in the office at about 10 minutes to 8am. Mass doesn’t begin till 8:30am so there is/was no reason for me to not go to mass…however, for the past few months I’ve found reason every Monday morning. Hence my part to play in ‘hanging back by the fire’ and not sticking by Jesus.
Weekly morning masses are roughly 30 minutes, we have one less reading, less people and the homily is usually shorter. The tears flowed for at least 20 of those 30 minutes. God had reached in and turned on His tap of mercy. This was about repentance. I knew I had wasted some precious time ‘getting by’ with the gift of faith I’d been given these past nine years. I knew there was more to be discovered but I figured I just wasn’t ‘ready’…conveniently ignoring the fact that God would decide when I was ready.
And then I was put to a test. Neal called to relay another woe of injustice that affects our family. It is clear that this is not right and it is so frustrating to have to sit back and allow it to happen because I don’t have the means in which to change it. Others do but only time will tell if they choose to right the wrong. All sorts of bad thoughts come to mind and at the same time I kept hearing the lesson in today’s gospel:
Gospel
Lk 6:36-38
Jesus said to his disciples:
“Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
“Stop judging and you will not be judged.
Stop condemning and you will not be condemned.
Forgive and you will be forgiven.
Give and gifts will be given to you;
a good measure, packed together, shaken down, and overflowing,
will be poured into your lap.
For the measure with which you measure
will in return be measured out to you.”
I ran to the chapel to cry on God’s shoulder and I prayed for those that are directly taking part in this situation. I don’t want harm on anyone I just want what is fair and right. But I also want to be thankful for what we’ve been given which is just enough.
Once I could manage to tear myself away from the sanctity of the chapel, it was time to pick up the boys from school. Today is the day Ryan goes to Japanese lessons but I needed to get gas first. I stopped to get gas and both boys asked if they could get a snack, especially since Ryan was going directly to his lesson. I had two five dollar bills on me so I gave them each one and said, “Don’t spend more than $2 each and bring me the change.” I really meant to say only get two things but once they ran off I realized it and shrugged it off. If they really knew how to be thrifty they could manage to get a drink and something small for $2. When they came back to the car they each only had one item, Ryan a candy bar and Seth had a sucker that only cost him $.31. Seth began to complain because he wanted a bag of chips that cost $3.25. I told him that was ridiculous for a bag of chips at a store and then he began to complain because he didn’t get a drink. I told him he could have managed a drink and the sucker but then he complained about only getting $2 to spend. Without hesitation I said to him,”Why not be thankful for what you were given instead of focusing on what you could have had?”
*duh*
*sigh*
I need to be thankful for what we’ve been given regardless what was due to us or what we could have had. I’d been praying for just enough especially because I didn’t want to get caught up in greed and here I’m given just enough and yet because I know what we could’ve had and even should’ve had I’m allowing negative thoughts and emotions to fester like a poison in my gut.
I know it will all work out as it should and I don’t believe we should just sit back, I do know God gave us voices to stick up for what is right, however it shouldn’t rule my behavior or attitude.
Again, another lesson learned.
🙂
Blessings
Shannon