This day was PACKED with moments that either put me to tears, raised me off my knees, humbled me back down again and swung at me from left field! I’m in a tailspin at the moment…
WHEW
The only way to summarize it all (and be short but concise) is to begin at the beginning (ah what a concept 🙂 ).
At 6:45am Neal calls me from his car on his way to work and relays a message that he’d been given that things should ‘look up’ for us in the month of April. My heart caught for a moment and then I realized, “Wait, we are going off of something relayed to him…not detailed facts. I’m not getting caught by that trap of security again.” I couldn’t help but think ‘What if another injustice occurs? Just like in February and again in March?’ Pessimism isn’t usually my thang…however, the thought of living through another month of what we’ve been going through and praying for those involved instead of giving them a nasty piece of my mind…it sent me to tears. The tears came because I’m afraid for my reaction if it’s not good… but so many things in life aren’t good. I’ve lived through most of them! My reaction (and fear of future reaction) brought me down.
So I went to Mass and prayed and received Christ. Beautiful! Powerful! Awesome! And I still cried. 🙂
Later, during the Cornerstone Bible study small group a friend gave me a CD of Tony Evans speaking on a woman’s role as a wife. Ha! I know my lady friends, chill out. It was refreshing and uncomfortable. Uncomfortable because he was dead on. I would repeat his whole message if I could but that would be plagiarizing and honestly, I do enjoy him so I don’t mind directing you to get your own copy. 🙂 www.tonyevans.org Anyway, beyond the great message I received, God inadvertently slipped another one in there just for me. You see, I’ve always admired Tony and his style of presentation. Many make fun of the robust and sometimes loud delivery but the man is anointed. In fact, I was going to do a little quip in a women’s talk this summer pointing out how even though I’d love to deliver a message like Tony I’ll never be Tony. As much as I try to emulate him I’ll never be black and I’ll never be a man. 🙂 HA! Anyway, as I’m listening to this CD it is the first time I’ve heard him speak for longer than a quick 1 minute segment on KSBJ. About 15 minutes into the CD I’m hearing something I’ve never heard from him before…a lisp. When he is not making a boisterous point you can clearly hear a speach impetament. It’s not obvious nor does it deflect from his God given talent…but what that little realization told me was “No matter your issues – physical, mental, emotional, I (the Lord God) can and will make you great at the talents and gifts I’ve given to you.”
LOVE IT!!! LOVE GOD! 🙂
Then this afternoon I come home to check my emails and I receive an email from my publisher to sign off on the COVER! YEAH!!! Now all I need to do is sign off on the text and I’m to print!! Augh! 🙂 Just waiting on that last email with the text. Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my goodness….
And then I received an email from a dear young lady that I have not been in contact with for quite some time. A matter of years actually. She and I at one time were very close. She was like a younger sister to me. Then something happened that forced me into a position I didn’t want to be in and I had to make a decision, one that was made for her overall benefit but also one that she would never see that way until either she had kids on her own or knew the entire picture and for many reasons she could not know the entire picture (I know, if you can’t follow, it’s complicated). Anyway, I knew in making my decision I would sever our relationship…but today I got an email from her. Asking to put it all behind us and to try to connect once again. She wants to agree to disagree…
*sigh* You see, my first reaction was to want to tell her everything. Now that she is really an adult I wanted her to know the truth. But on the other hand it still isn’t my place. So before answering I knew I had to come to a place to suck it up and to realize that I don’t always have make sure I’m made clear. Does that make sense? Anyway, I simply said I wanted to reconnect. And I’m excited (and nervous) to do so.
Whoa…man. And now I’m back to being a MOM. Headed off to baseball practice at 7pm at NIGHT!!! What’s up with that??? I’m fine with it just as long as some old boyfriend from the past doesn’t come around the other corner and really throw me off kilter! lol
No worries, my friends. No worries.
Blessings
Shannon