My heart is warmed this afternoon; not by the brightness of the sun seeping into my office, or the continuous warm weather in this humid Texas town, but by a man who reached out for help.
For sake of confidentiality I’ll refer to him as Mr. X. I received an email from Mr. X awhile ago simply stating “Help Requested”. He wanted to find a way to help him stop being verbally and emotionally abusive to his family.
After some struggles with our schedules we finally had the opportunity to speak. Mr. X was nervous and I could hear the apprehension in his voice. He mentioned hearing me at a conference awhile back when it hit him that things he was saying, or even passively saying, were tearing down, and at times, instilling fear, in his family.
“I want to get beyond these triggers I have that make me not the person I want to be. I want to hold hands with my wife walking down the street and be able to say, ‘This is my bride,’ with pride and have her feel just as comfortable and proud of me.”
By the time we were able to talk he had gone to see a therapist for the first time and in his session he realized he had to be open and honest with the things he was doing, and has done in the past. He needed to communicate even if it wasn’t comfortable to do so.
Obviously talking to the therapist is exactly what I would’ve recommended and I encouraged him to take the time to look back into his own past, his upbringing, and recognize where there might have been situations that left him feeling less than, or forced to create a need to control or have his life be a certain way.
I am very proud of Mr. X, it is never easy for anyone to admit when they know they have been hurtful, but to make the effort to right the wrong is an admirable and courageous action. Mr. X and his family will remain in my prayers.
It would be a gift for an abuse survivor to receive a sincere apology from the abuser, and to see them turn their life around. Unfortunately, this is rare but when it happens it is worth the acknowledgement for we are all worthy of God’s grace.
I think it’s important to close with the acknowledgment that communication is key. We need to communicate when we’ve been hurt by someone’s actions or words. Our voice is our right.
Blessings
Shannon
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