For my own good. That’s how this blog began. I needed something to keep me ‘accountable’ and focus on what I’d been learning all along, that God is with us every day, in every moment. I needed to focus on how He was showing up in those daily moments, especially in the mundane. Plus, in the accountability I needed to realize how I could continue to improve being the ‘best’ version of myself. When I took off last year and didn’t focus on these moments every single day I found that it was easy to let the day go by and fail to receive the moments as gifts. It has been good for me to do the 365 day challenge again. I didn’t realize ‘challenge’ would be the key word in this project. 😉 That’d I’d be faced with a few challenges and finding God in the midst.
With that said, a new challenge has been given to me and I didn’t share it yesterday because I still needed time to pray and discern whether I should share it. I’ve decided that if I didn’t I wouldn’t be true to this blog and to you. I know I haven’t come out and said what it is I have recalled in my early memories and what happened but I will one day… in the right time. This new challenge I think I need to tell it as it is because who knows, you might be going through something similar too and maybe this might be helpful or even hopefully, reassuring in some way. I am not sharing this to receive sympathy or to whine or get attention. In all honesty one reason why I strongly considered waiting till I knew 100% what I’m facing is because I’m certain it will be fine and I don’t want to look like a fool! 😉 In the end, I decided I’d rather have your prayers and forget about looking like a fool.
All of this happened yesterday. I typed it out because I needed to as it happened, it is how I get my mind from worry to trust to peace.
Breast Tissue Abnormality
Friday, March 1, 2013
Two weeks ago, on a Wednesday, I went for my yearly GYN check up. It lasted maybe ten minutes and within the breast check I paid attention to Dr. Ball’s face, even though she was ‘small talking’ about kids, etc I always watch to see if there is something else I need to read.
I caught something. And sure enough she went back to my right side then once again to my left, never stopping in our conversation but I caught it.
Before the breast exam she noted that I was 39 and had a mammogram two years ago because of something I’d felt which ended up being nothing. She said I didn’t really need another exam till next year but it would be up to me. That’s when she did the exam.
Once finished she looked back in her notes and said, “You know, let’s just get a baseline mammogram done that way we have it and starting next year you’ll have to get them once a year.” She said it as nonchalantly as she could but I suppose the little ‘something’ I caught in her eyes during the exam made me take note of her sudden change in her decision for me to get a mammogram.
When I looked at the paper I expected to see a mark on the left breast but she marked ‘base line’.
Good enough for me. I’m always seeing things that might not be there anyway so I let it go and made my appointment.
During the appointment the lady doing the mammogram had a gift for gab and making one of the most awkward situations as if it were just a walk in the park. Everything was done and then she went in the back and looked them over to see if any needed to be redone. There was that ‘feeling’ again…sure enough she came back in and took another picture of my left breast then explained that they would compare to my last exams and if anything looked ‘abnormal’ they’d call me in for another more detailed mammogram down at Texas Women’s.
Again, in the back of my mind just like a subtle whisper I thought “It’s my left breast. I’m going to have to get another mammogram.”
I left for Germany the following day. Last night when I got back I saw that Texas Women’s had called. I asked Neal about it and he said they told him they would call me back when I was in town.
This morning I found the mammogram results in the mail. I tried to convince myself it would say everything was normal. But, as I suspected, it tells me that there is an ‘abnormality’ and I need to come in for more tests. It also says ‘many abnormalities are benign and do not result in cancer.’ Well that’s a relief! 😉
Of course I DON’T want Cancer. Who does??? But I’m trying to be positive either way. If I DON’T…great! And if I DO…well, first, I’m assuming it’d have to be small, stage 1, no biggie…I truly believe in all that I am that IF IT IS that I am still meant to live a LONG TIME and that this is just another journey I GET to go down and live through…imagine, the people I’d meet?? I know that sounds morbid or odd but that is the only way I can find the positive in these situations when you don’t know what is to come and the only thing other than that is to embrace fear. I won’t do it.
So, that is why I’m writing this down now. Chronicling it from the very beginning that way IF it does result in what could be a new journey then I will open it up to everyone so that others can walk this path WITH me and we can make the most of it together.
IF it doesn’t and it is the best news…a benign abnormality…then PRAISE GOD and this will just be another one of my entries into the mind of a crazy person. 🙂
3pm – Finally got a call back from my Dr’s nurse. They found a small calcification in my LEFT breast. Wasn’t shocked she said ‘left breast’ but then again, what did I tell you? I can’t personally feel anything but for some reason I knew.
The nurse was very good at making this seem nothing. She said, “I make dozens of calls a week about these calcifications.” I made sure I was just as non-affected and then she told me that the image center at Women’s would call me to set up the appointment. They will do another mammogram and if needed an ultrasound.
As Neal says, “It is what it is.” It’s always something, right? It will most likely be nothing at all and just something to keep an eye on with yearly mammograms. But I’ll be lying if I said it didn’ bite a little. So, now you know. Prayers that I’ll come back with a praise report!
Enjoy your day where ever you might be. Remember there is a positive for every negative. 😉
Blessings
Shannon
