I failed miserably the first week of Lent. It was as if some altar ego emerged from deep within and tried to sabotage my good faith effort in trying to ‘minimize’ all things in my life. However, after blogging about it and then offering up daily to God with true humility the lesson of self-denial began to sink in. I began to pay attention to what I was telling myself when about to make the decision to ‘have one more’ , ‘go for dessert’ or fall to the temptation to not do when I needed to ‘do’. This inner voice was saying “Ah, come on now, you deserve it.”
What I finally learned to do was picture Christ on the cross whenever that voice tickled my senses and then I would think, “Do I need this or is it an extra want?” Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suddenly ‘perfect’. I haven’t fully given up dessert or chocolate or even having a glass of wine. But I’m trying to minimize. Maybe not go for it every day, or if I happen to desire a Girl Scout thin mint cookie, take 1 instead of 4. 😉 (BTW, why do the Girl Scouts come out with their devilish cookies right at the time of Lent????)
At any rate, these past few days I feel like I’ve truly been able to enter into the essence of Lent with better footing. I am enjoying the various reading materials and I’ve managed to do the Stations every Friday so far. What I enjoy most is that God seems to be giving me signals to ‘not give up’. Of course many might say these are just ‘coincidences’ but I do not believe in coincidence. I believe in ‘God-incidences’ or GOD WINKS.
First, my wonderful husband decided to look into refinancing our mortgage from a 30yr loan to a 15 yr loan since the rates are so low. This is actually a smart move, but one that I would have liked to have been prepared for considering I’m the ‘bill payer’ and ‘paper pusher’. Instead last week I get an email saying we needed this, this and this by this deadline (which was in basically in no time). Had I been prepared I would have taken my time to get all of that information together at my leisure …instead any plans I had last week were muddled up and thrown out the window as I was thrust into this process. By the end of the week I was at my wits end because there was a nagging feeling inside that what this company my husband was choosing to go with was just not the best deal. I was so flustered and torn I cried out to God in the car (because apparently that is where the ‘secret’ direct line is 😉 ) and asked for guidance. What I received was a phone call from my current mortgage company (persistent by the way, I ignored them twice and they then called my cell phone) wanting to tell me how they could lower my rates. Long story short we are now doing the same deal with them at nearly .5% LOWER than the original company Neal chose, for less money and coming out with a cheaper monthly mortgage too. I suddenly felt better. 🙂 Praise God!
Then I took the boys to San Antonio for a mini spring break as my oldest had to get back for rehearsal. We enjoyed a day at the Riverwalk and Market Square and went to a movie that evening. The following day we went to Sea World. We arrived first thing in the morning only to sit in a line of cars for an 1/2 an hour to get in. The place was PACKED. However, we persevered and I even consented to going on the Steel Eel roller coaster with them first thing. I hate roller coasters. Hate is a strong word…and I’m using it. I can not do heights. I can fly and choose aisle seats. 🙂 I do not like the feeling of ‘dropping’ out of the air. UGH. But I did it for them. It was awful. 🙁 I kept my eyes shut the entire time and screamed as if my life were being taken from me. By the end of the ride my legs were shaking so bad the only thing that made me move out of the seat and to the exit was the fear of doing it again. I forced the kids to watch one of the Shamu shows before they drug me to another ride and somehow convinced them to watch the stingray feeding as well, anything to avoid another roller coaster. While sitting in the shark and stingray room watching the presentation I felt my phone vibrate. I took it out of my bag and saw that a friend of mine was asking if I was still in San Antonio. Just as I was about to text back I heard, “Don’t worry about texting me back.” She was standing right behind me with her husband and three daughters!! They were standing there the whole time and had no idea I was sitting there. She only knew I was in San Antonio because I posted a picture on Facebook and she just happened to think to text me at that time. This is a ‘God WINK’ because for the rest of the day her husband (who loves roller coasters) took my boys with them not just once but multiple times on all of the rides. It was a blessing. 🙂
Finally, later on in that day at Sea World I looked down at my ring finger and saw my wedding bands were not on my finger. I remember specifically leaving my engagement ring looped through a bracelet I wear and putting them in my overnight bag. I also remember having my wedding band and anniversary band on my ring finger and seeing it when I was brushing my teeth in the mirror. I never take them off. My heart began to pound and I wanted to cry with the thought of losing the wedding band that was blessed at my marriage. It was not at the lost and found so I filed a report and then said a prayer to God and St. Anthony to pray for me and help me find the rings. When I got to the hotel that night the two bands were stacked and on the bathroom sink. Call me crazy but I tell you I did not put them there…I promise.
Add with these God-incidences or GOD WINKS the consistent message I’m receiving from Him in all of the readings I’ve been given for Lent and that is best summed up in the message from St. Paul in his letter to the Romans – Romans 7:15-25:
Read it slowly and out loud. This was one of the first readings given to me in my Lenten journey and it was probably the first GOD WINK because it is God reminding me that I am human and I’m in the same company as the saints…it is not an excuse but He wants us to remember that He knows our weaknesses and He loves us regardless. (…even enough to show Himself the little things…)
😉
Blessings
Shannon