Standing against the wall in the back of a packed church for Christmas Eve Mass I surveyed all of God’s people and imagined God smiling, thrilled to have them home regardless if they came daily or once a year or even once a decade. Later I entered my friend’s home for an annual Seven Fishes Italian dinner and was greeted with kisses and hugs from friends that are like family. I sat at the table and felt God smiling once again for the love we share as brothers and sisters in Christ. There was no need for pomp and circumstance, we do not put on airs. We accept one another with love. We support one another in our trials, struggles, health scares and definitely celebrations. We are family.
An hour later Neal and I took the boys to Deer Park, TX to meet up with his parents and celebrate an annual Cuban Christmas Eve and entered into another world of Salsa music and a full roasted pig (head included) and reconnected with friends like family that have shared with Neal’s parents for decades in their own sorrows and celebrations. This family recently lost their ‘Abuello’ the grandfather of the bunch only one month ago. Normally Abuello would be the first in the conga line or grabbing each one of the women to dance in the living room. The thwamp thwamp thwamp of the music tugged my spirit as I watched the family hold onto one another and do the conga line, smiling, rejoicing and allowing their grief to subside for this one night in celebration of family. If I could see through spirit coated glasses I’m certain Abuello was leading the line.
At 6:00am Ryan and Seth were rustling around in the living room, opening stocking gifts from Santa and sorting out gifts by person. They patiently waited till Neal and I finally forced ourselves out of our warm comfortable bed to join them. Before we began to tear through the packages we took a moment to pray in thanksgiving for the birth of Jesus and to Mary for saying ‘yes’. We prayed for our family and friends and for those who have passed before us. I sat in gratitude of my family.
A few hours later we packed up the car and headed over to my in-laws for a Christmas lunch before embarking on the five hour drive to Sherman, TX to be with my ‘modern’ family. Walking through the doors of my childhood home I was greeted by three giggling rambunctious boys with smiles that lit up their faces. “Aunt Shannon!” they hollered and attacked me with hugs. It was good to be home. Two hours later after dinner we were closing out our Christmas evening sitting in the living room and opening gifts. I looked around and recognized the same comfort of God’s smile. I looked at my brother Kenny, with his long bleach blonde hair and dangle earrings and despite the shock of his appearance thanked God for having him alive and with us in this moment. I laughed at something Heather, my sister, Michelle’s partner said and thanked God for allowing me to see through His eyes of love and not judgment (embracing the fact that though my sister, Heather and I may never be on the same page spiritually I have a gift in our relationship). Despite my older sister missing we were a complete family, a feat my mother never thought would happen this Christmas. Despite the dysfunction of our family all she wanted was to have her children with her. It didn’t matter if we are gay or straight, rich or poor, clean or questionable, religious or indifferent, she loves each one of us. On this day we put our disagreements aside. We loved back.
This is the smile of God, the same smile He gave when He looked down upon His son that He sent into the world to love in this very same way in order to lead everyone into His embrace.
Happy Birthday Jesus.
Blessings
Shannon