It’s 3:15pm and Seth and I’ve just returned from Texas Children’s Hospital. It’s safe to say that my entire day has revolved around being in that facility so I want to say what’s on my mind. First and foremost Seth is fine. I want you to take note that is coming directly from me. Why am I adamant about you taking note of the fact that I’m letting everyone know he is ‘fine’ and will be ‘fine’?
Because I want to be able to blog my feelings. That is the point in blogging…we are closet narcisist that need to have our opinions heard, feelings splayed on the page for the world to degrade and / or commiserate and somewhere along the way some of us try to be encouragers too. 😀 In the five years I’ve been blogging I’ve managed to keep it about how ‘I‘ (I’m stressing me, just me) have had God show up in my life, how I have managed to be blessed and show up for others or often how I missed the boat and failed. Yep, it’s ‘all about me’…lol because unless I have a guest posting or I’m reviewing something, I don’t see it right to be about anyone else. Unless it’s news, right? 😉
There have been occasions where I have been blogging my feelings and others seem to put themselves into my blog and ‘assume’ I’m talking about them or referring to them, etc. If you’re a friend of mine or associated with me I suppose that could easily be assumed but in truth that is exactly why you’ll see I refrain from talking about people and rather I talk about my feelings of a situation. Which is my right.
Sorry I got off on a tangent. Which brings me to my point. Today, it has been confirmed that Seth does have WPW (Wolff Parkinson White Syndrome) and he is also having SVT (Supraventricular Tachycardia). I won’t even try to begin explaining everything the doctor’s said because I can’t. Basically, what does have to happen is the ablation. From what was explained is they will go through the artery in his legs and into his heart but because they are not certain which side of the heart the WPW is or exactly what is going on, they have to ‘explore’ the heart, put his heart into stress to see it’s function and then figure out the plan while inside the heart. This is a procedure that will take 4-6 hours. They then explained all of the ‘risks’ of the procedure, which is something I’m sure they legally have to do.
Now, know this, I’m a positive person. And the positive from all of this is once they get in there and figure out what they need to ‘take care of’ then he’ll come out cured. He’ll be able to play sports a week after the procedure and not have to be on pills for the rest of his life. That is a huge positive…not living with the fear of being that 1% sudden cardiac death risk.
However, what I’m feeling, at this moment, as a mother, is scared. What I’m upset about is the fact it seems no one is allowing me the right to be scared. “He’ll be fine.” “Oh that’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” etc etc. Yes, I do believe these statements but my baby is going to be under for 4-6 hours while they explore his heart and then burn something off from inside.
Just admit that you wouldn’t want to go through that either. It seems to be human nature to instantly calm others with the positive because we don’t want anyone to feel afraid. There is nothing wrong with that…but what I’m saying is if a mother finds out some scary and frigthening news give her a chance to feel what she’s feeling and simply be there for her. Or pray. Praying is always the safest way to go. 😉
I’m not sure I’m even making sense but it is something that hit me today because my own husband, God bless his heart, is so nervous he is pushing it aside (as he does when it hits too close to home). The only solace I was receiving was from the doctors who admitted, “Hey, this is scary and it’ll be hard for you to sit in a waiting room for 4-6 hours but we are good at what we do.” I appreciated that statement more than anything.
At any rate, I feel better now that I’ve had my rant. I am scared, I wish Seth didn’t have to go through this, but I also know he will be just fine because he is covered in prayer and in God’s hands.
Thank you for allowing me to have my say. 🙂
Blessings
Shannon