In two hours I will head to the parish to visit with Casey Hughes’ family and then attend his funeral. I considered waiting until after the funeral to write the post and then I thought better of that idea. There is no way around it…the funeral will be devastating. What my prayer is, in this moment, is that it can also be joyous. Even though he is much to young to have passed I pray the family feels comforted by knowing he is in the arms of Christ and they will see him again.
I hated the statement. The one I just wrote. I didn’t like hearing it when Joe died (my high school ‘love’). In fact, I typically stay clear from saying any of those comments to the loved ones suffering the loss. Instead, I give them a hug, tell them “I’m sorry” and listen. The reason why I don’t say those statements is not because I don’t believe them, rather it’s because I don’t want to put the burden on the one grieving.
Death has a cycle and even the most faithful will have a moment of anger and disbelief, especially when the loss is sudden. Hearing those statements made me stack guilt onto the pain because I would think, “Yeah, yeah I know…but it doesn’t mean I wish he wasn’t here with me!” Instead, a forced smile would emerge and I’d say, “Yes, I know.”
Really, saying “I’m sorry for your loss” is the best statement both for the one who is grieving and the one who is at a loss for what to say. It is the most truthful statement and it doesn’t imply that the one receiving it has to ‘feel’ or ‘accept’ or ‘be brave’ when all they want to do is weep.
Today I spent time with Neal who is still working from home. We both got some work done and then he helped me with laundry…if that behavior continues I won’t be complaining about the golf channel on all the time! 😉 After having the productive and fruitful long work weekend and knowing the evening that lies ahead it was nice to put secondary things aside and focus on the one I love.
I know many of you know someone in your life suffering through a great deal of pain and sorrow…if you’ve stayed away because you aren’t sure what to say, consider just being there for them or if words need to fill the space, say “I’m sorry”. Knowing someone else cares enough to notice the sorrow is the gift and blessing.
If you are the one suffering right now, know that I am sorry for your pain.
Blessings
Shannon