Life catches up with us sooner or later. I was lucky to have it knock me over when I was in my late 20’s. At that point I was forced to look at my past, the sufferings, the hurts, the pains – the abuse – and recognize how, as much as I’d worked so hard to convince myself and others that I was a fighter and completely ‘fine’, it was still getting the best of me. I had to lay down my pride, die to myself (control), and allow God to finally begin His true work in me.
A little over a decade from that moment ‘life’ rushed at me again and awakened me into a deeper truth, one that threatened to drag me back into despair, rage, and drowning in self-pity. Thankfully, because of the work I had done in healing over the decade I was stronger than I was in my 20’s and able to look for God’s hand out of the muck of victimization, grab on to Him and hold tight as He pulled me out.
By now I feel I have caught up with ‘life’, that there can’t be anymore ‘surprises’ except for what faces me head on rather than from my past. The Cancer for instance (I shall give it a proper name as I look forward to kicking it’s butt 🙂 ) I didn’t see that coming. I will admit, even with all that I’ve been given to deal with in my life, I never thought Cancer would be in the ring. I mean I had a tiny bit of skin cancer last year but that was nothing. And granted, many want to emphasize that Thyroid Cancer is ‘the best and easiest’ to have…. ha.
Yes, trust me, I’m SO GLAD for this fact. I truly am and it makes me pray even harder for those that are going through a ‘more difficult diagnosis’. BUT, it’s still a growing cancer in my thyroid and lymph node. I still have to have surgery. I still have to wait and see if I go through radiation. I still have to go through the process of getting my hormones right without a thyroid. I still have to go get retested every 3-6 months and it still can come back in the lungs or brain. And with that said, I still have a nodule found on my lung that I go back to get ‘measured’ in April. It will ALL BE OKAY no matter what, no matter what. It’s just that I don’t have time for Cancer. 🙂 Who does???
Awe, you see, and there I go standing on the very edge of that warm water of self-pity. Now I have a choice. Do I wade in it a bit? Do I let my guard down and get caught up in the undertow of ‘why me’ and ‘what if’?
NO.
Once survivor, always a survivor. No matter the fight.
When I was going through the months of testing and waiting (oh the waiting is the worst), I sat in adoration and ‘talked’ to God about the fact I had a feeling of what was about to be a new reality for me. And I felt Him speak very clearly to my heart, “You have my strength. No matter the outcome, trust in Me. You know I make all things new.”
And I believe. So, as I ‘wait’ once more for my surgery date. And I ‘wait’ then again to see if I need radiation. And ‘wait’ to see if the lung is an issue. I will ‘wait on the Lord’ and be encouraged no matter what ‘life’ brings.
I dedicate this post to a very very dear friend of mine who is going through a difficult time right now. His name is Brent McClain, also known as ‘David’ in my book EXPOSED. He has asked that I ‘reveal his name’ because he eventually wants to ‘have his VOICE too’ one day…maybe even in a video for Hopeful Hearts. We are coming up on the 27th anniversary of the death of his best friend, Joe (aka: ‘Matt’), who was my first love, that died in a tragic car accident on January 22, 1990. Brent was the passenger in the car.
Brent is finding that ‘life’ has caught up to him and he is now ‘reaching for God’s hand’… which is very important for me as well. In many ways my own guilt remains for not being ‘God’s hand’ when he needed it the most. Brent is a very strong individual with a strong belief in God’s grace. Please pray for him to overcome the currents of ‘life’ that want to keep dragging him down.
Blessings
Shannon
Read more about my story in EXPOSED and REDEEMED both available on Amazon and any eReader.