Tomorrow proves to be both an exciting day and one of reflection. I begin the morning with back to back interviews helping me kick off the re-release of EXPOSED: Inexcusable Me…Irreplaceable Him and to showcase Hopeful Hearts Ministry along with the Maria Goretti Network.
Be sure to listen in:
8:30AM – 8:50AM KDAZ (Albuquerque, NM) www.sonbroadcasting.cc
9:00AM – 9:15AM Christian Country Cafe (Wytheville, VA) (no internet site available)
What remains in the undercurrent of the day is the anniversary. Four years ago on May 25, 2008 I was hosting my last youth group event for the seniors of that year – their Senior Banquet and it was my farewell as the youth minister for St. Martha’s. Together we reminisced over the four years they were with me and their memories as well as sharing in my special moments I experienced over the six years as the youth minister for the parish. I was leaving full-time youth ministry to lend more time to my call as a mother and my call that led me ultimately to forming Hopeful Hearts.
That evening when all was said and done I thought the tears had been shed and I lingered behind in the youth center to have a moment to myself. Youth ministry was my life. I adored the teens and I hated to leave them behind.
The phone rang jarring me out of my interior sadness.
The caller informed me one of my sophomore teens, a young woman by the name of Kate, had been in a tragic car accident. Kate and her passenger were both dead on impact. I dropped into my chair like dead weight. The air had been sucker punched from my lungs. The caller hung up and the phone rang again, this time another one of my teens, frantic, telling me what she had heard. My cell phone started ringing. The lines were on fire with distraught, unbelieving, devastated teens and adults. It was now 9:30pm on a Sunday night. Without a second thought I told everyone to come to the church. My job was not yet done.
I owed it to Kate to bring everyone in. To bring everyone home. She was only 16. The last time I had seen her was the week before at youth group. Among the 125+ teens in the small quarters of the youth center she would stick by my side as the self-proclaimed ‘megaphone’ and get everyone to LISTEN UP! when I needed to speak. Kate was loud, dynamic, beautiful, kind and oh, so faithful.
Within the hour I opened the doors to the church filling the sanctuary with teens and adults. Hundreds of grieving community and close friends and family of the two beautiful girls filled the pews. I was on autopilot. I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t break down and acknowledge the loss I, too, was suffering. The youth group I had just said goodbye too helped me pass out rosaries. Knowing that there were many who were not Catholic present I took a moment to explain the prayer that we would be asking Jesus, Mary and all of the angels, saints and other loved ones passed to pray for Kate and Alexx. I knelt before the tabernacle to the right of the altar and I felt Kate standing next to me, encouraging me to ‘speak loud’ so they could hear. 🙂
For the next week I continued in autopilot as I stayed with the new youth minister and together we figured our way through helping the teens with their grief. Kate’s parents asked me to help them with the funeral, a task that was daunting and yet probably the most important job I have ever done to date. The day before the funeral I was home on a quick break trying to rest. I hadn’t slept in days. I hadn’t cried. I laid on the couch and felt God cradle me in His hands and His angels surround me. “Be still.” I could hear Him whisper in my ear. Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God.”
If I could go back to that time that I was trying to hold it together for everyone else I would tell myself “Let it out. CRY. Grieve for Kate and when the time is right and you have been spent then REJOICE for now she is flawless.” There are many moments that I can ‘hear her’ saying LISTEN UP! and I realize the many ways in which her spirit lives on. Due to Kate’s passing I have met people that are now very dear friends and I have formed a relationship with her parents that is immeasurable. In her passing I find proof that our spirit lives on as her dynamic nature permeates through the etheral barrier.
It feels good to talk about her. To share what she meant to me and to talk about that night, that week, that time that I couldn’t cry. Thank you for ‘listening’. 😉
Please say a prayer for her family.
Blessings
Shannon