It is 1am Saturday in Spain we are ending day 4 of our pilgrimage and I’m already stunned by the Spirit. 🙂 There is too much to reflect and share and I have so many pictures I will want to share once they are given to me when the trip is over that I will have to allow this bit of reflection/sharing to carryon for some time once we get back. For now I’ll give the highlights and try to articulate where I am in my personal spiritual journey of this pilgrimage in hopes you will lift me up in prayer as we continue.
I have been anticipating the day I would be able to visit Lourdes and see where St. Bernadette saw the Immaculate Conception (Blessed Mother) at the Grotto. I prayed to St. Bernadette when I felt God nudging me to write out my own story and what I experienced as a child and into my adult years with spiritual warfare and at the WYD pilgrimage in Koln, Germany I received what I felt was a gift from St. Bernadette (a stranger gave me a jewelry box with the St. Bernadette medallion that was fixed to the under part of the lid). She was once judged and ridiculed for what others believed to be a hoax in regards to her sightings. I felt that with St. Bernadette praying for me she helped me find the boldness I needed to feel confident to tell my own story. That is only one aspect of this trip to Lourdes that was important for me, the other was the healing waters of the spring at the Grotto. I wanted Neal to go (for his MS) but that was not going to be the case so in my mind I wanted to be his ‘stand in’ in faith and receiving. Even though I too have an autoimmune disease I would rather live with it than have to watch my husband suffer with the effects of his disease. As we waited in line for the ‘bath’ I received a text from Neal letting me know he was not in a good place. 🙁 It was very early in the states at this time and there was so much he was set to do this weekend but with work and some other issues, stress got the better of him and he reached a bottom. I wasn’t there to help him. I literally received this text 10 minutes before they called me for my turn to take a ‘dip’ in the bath. I was devastated. The entire time I prayed for him and as I was ushered into the room and had to disrobe (to bare skin!!) and wrapped with a blanket I kept praying that God would take away all of Neal’s pain. They opened this curtain and I step into this FREEZING COLD clear bath where two ladies are standing waist deep. They are very methodical about this process and never see you naked as they take the blanket from me but wrap me in this wet cold towel at the same time. They then take my arms and before me is a statue of our Blessed Mother. Already the tears are streaming down my cheeks. I can’t get Neal out of my mind and then they say ‘sit like you are sitting in a chair’ and I sit down in this cold cold water where they lean me back and I’m immersed briefly, enough to take my breath away. In a matter of seconds I’m wrapped back in the original blanket and they hold it over me to put my clothes back on. The cotton ball in my throat won’t go away as I try to hold back the sobs that want to erupt. I’m putting on my dry clothes over my drenched skin but as I walk out into the warm sun I realize I am completely dry! Those of us that went as a group gathered and immediately it was the first thing we realized. Even though we had been soaked we were now dry. Our clothes were not sticking to us!!! It was the craziest thing.
Later that day as I was standing in line to view the Grotto and touch the stone, kneel where St. Bernadette dug to find the original stream and look up where the image of the Blessed Mother appeared, one of the young women I was with said when she was in the bath she felt like it was a new Baptism for her. A pure renewal, one she could remember forever. I thought that was beautiful. Upon hearing this a woman in front of us turned around and began to talk to us about her experiences. She was from England and she comes once a year by herself to experience the Grotto but has never been in the bath! I think we convinced her! 🙂
These experiences alone took a toll on me but we also decided to do the way of the cross, beginning with the first station on our knees up a flight of marble stairs. Talk about painful humility.
The main message that came to me as we kept experiencing moment upon moment of spiritual humility and remembrance of our calling is realizing that no matter what circumstance St. Bernadette was suffering she said YES. I poured my heart out to Christ this day to cover my family, show me where He wants me and help me to say my own YES to His call. It was a powerful and draining day. The enemy wasn’t far behind either…I’m ashamed to say I allowed his sneaky ways to get the best of me through my irritability. Thankfully it was like sticking my hand on a hot pot and I suddenly went ‘OW! What am I doing???”
We left early this morning for our trek into Spain and on the way to Burgoes we stopped at Loyola where St. Ignatius lived and had Mass in the bedroom of his home where he experienced his conversion to the faith. AMAZING. It was like a mini WYD at Loyola with so many countries represented, singing and dancing! The group is so excited to make it to Madrid!
Finally we made it into Burgeos and went on a tour of the Cathedral. I would go on about this but I do have to say, keeping in theme with God’s ‘call’… the best thing happened tonight. A young woman said ‘YES’ to her call to marriage. My ‘little sister’ in faith, Lindsay (who I have known since she was 14 and was her confirmation sponsor) got engaged tonight to Nick (another young man whom I’ve known since he was 14)!! They have been dating since they both went to college and it was one of the most beautiful engagements! I’m so happy I got to be a part of it.
Nick let myself and her best friends on the trip with us be in the background without her knowing so we were able to take pictures and then be there to celebrate!!!
CONGRATS TO LINDSAY AND NICK!!! I love you both!!!
So much to process, so much to share…so much still to do and experience. Pray for me, pray for Neal at home with the boys, pray for all of us on pilgrimage.
Love, blessings and prayers to you!!
Shannon