I am not a member of a twelve step program however I do know a little about them and I know that one of the key ingredients to a successful recovery program is making amends. Going off of the very little that I’ve gathered from family members and friends that have succeeded in recovery through a twelve step program this step is not only therapeutic but also allows the person going through the recovery to learn more about themself, possibly see where they went wrong and recognize how they could better handle the situation if it were to come up again. Another ‘step’ for many in a twelve step program is to ‘let go and let God’ or that of a higher power…trusting that there is something more than yourself that can help you get through the struggle and carry you forward into a better life.
Though these ‘steps’ have been combined into a very fruitful and rewarding recovery program for those overcoming various addictions, depression or disorders I do believe we ALL are subject to tackling these same steps in order to move ‘forward’ with where God intends us to be.
Case in point: My personal experience.
Looking back on the past 10 years I see the progression of many of the ‘steps’ to recovery. To best understand this let’s take a look at the Twelves Steps for AA (Alcoholics Anonymous as per Wikipedia.com)
1) We admit we are powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.
My Case – The moment I realized I didn’t want to be the person I had become (abusive, negative, mean, depressed)
2) Come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
My Case – I saw Christ in Ryan that day that I realized Step 1, and that is what sent me face down on the floor
3) Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him.
My Case – I surrendered to God that night, on the floor, ‘take my life and do with it what You will’
4) Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
My Case – After that evening I began to recognize the areas that I was sinning. The behavior was no longer attractive to me or desirable.
5) Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
My Case – The gift in being Catholic – RECONCILIATION
6) Were entirely ready to have God remove all of these defects of character.
My Case – I stopped the behavior as I recognized it. It was day by day.
7) Humbly ask Him to remove our shortcomings.
My Case – I prayed on my knees daily to become a better person. Still do! 😉
8) Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
My Case – I can’t say I made a list, however, I did see the need to contact those I loved. I sat down a year or so after that key moment on my bedroom floor and wrote a letter to all of my siblings telling them that I loved them. Honestly, it could be another ‘step’ I revisit because often I don’t feel that I’m there enough for them as I am for so many others. But then again, I feel the least understood or accepted by them as well.
9) Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except to do so would injure them or others.
My Case – This is where I got the ‘inspiration’ for today’s blog entry. I’ve noticed throughout the years that God has strategically placed me in the direct path of people that I have been in direct conflict with, mostly due to my once sour attitude. I tell my friends all of the time “You would not have liked me then, I was a real ‘witch’.” By the grace of God I have been gifted with the ability to see some of these people that I had once put all of my anger and frustration upon. But the most recent is probably one of the most healing because it still took me some time to look past what I felt then in order to appreciate what God was doing for me at that very moment.
Nearly 19 years ago when I was going through the awful rape battle in my Sophomore year, where I felt half the school was against me because they loved their beloved ‘Zach’ (name used in the book) and the rest were trying to support me and at the same time staying clear because it meant choosing sides, I was in a speech class. This speech class was an ‘open’ forum, meaning the professor often had us sitting in a circle and discussing relevant topics. He encouraged us to give our opinions and debate. A few times I found my voice and debated a few points he had made. It was clear as the semester went on he did not like me too much. I was making a strong ‘A’ in the class and it was towards the end of the semester that he said something extremely rude and inappropriate to a student. I can’t remember details but I do remember finding him at the University Center and asking him what it was I did to him that caused him to be so callous and I’ll never forget him saying “I don’t like you.” Not long after that we had our final that I was certain I made an ‘A’ on and yet I received a ‘C’ in the class. I fought the grade, took it to the Dean of our department, etc….never went anywhere. Up till now I would think about that class and cringe. Last week when I was at the University of the Faith & Trauma conference I was at a table signing books and I knew there was another person at a table next to me with books as well but I didn’t have time to introduce myself. It wasn’t until almost everyone had left that I heard his voice. Instantly my body cringed and I looked over at the very same time he looked at me and we both jumped back in our seats. 🙂 It makes me giggle to think what HE was thinking. I’d imagine he could very well have been afraid of ME. 😉 We acknowledged that we both remembered one another and then he looked at my book and said, “I read the back of your book earlier, if only I had known.” I’ll be very honest…I was still cringing and I’ll admit I was still angry. If only he had known? I thought. Really? What was he the one professor that didn’t know what was going on at this very small campus or even if he didn’t know, would it have made him like me? After all of these years and I realized I wanted an apology. I had an A and he gave me a C! But he wasn’t going to give it to me, instead he was packing up his books trying to get away from me! I felt the nudge of the Holy Spirit and remembered who I am today. I stopped him from what he was doing and said, “Listen, I want to apologize if I was difficult to deal with at that time. I was going through a lot and I’m sure my attitude wasn’t the greatest.” He looked at me and said, “Thank you for that.” That was it! I swallowed back my desire to revert back 19 years of therapy, healing, prayer, forgiveness….I just smiled and let him pass.
An hour later we were at a different location signing books and he as sitting next to me again. This time I took a look at his book which was a compilation of stories from students and their struggles that had changed his life. He said to me, “Had I known your story I would have included you in the book.” I just looked at him and smiled. After a few moments of signing books and everyone went on to the final program we were alone. He asked me a few more questions about the book but there was no substantial conversation. I began to realize that there wasn’t going to be an apology for me and maybe it wasn’t meant for me. I realized after having spoken with a few people at the conference that worked with him that they were shocked at the behavior I was describing because apparently he is a very gentle and kind person. Maybe it was me? Maybe I was the one that needed to make that amends and realize even though I felt what I felt at that time, it isn’t always what it seems. The frustration left me as I contemplated the person I was then…the anger I did harbor and this time I cringed at who I was.
God ordained our meeting and I did need to make amends so that I could move on with what He needs me to do.
10) Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admit it.
My Case – as in the above…God gave me the grace to achieve this even when I didn’t realize it was a step needed to be done at the time.
11) Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understand Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
My Case – I live this daily
12) Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all of our affairs.
My Case – It has been my ministry to speak out and lead others to Christ.
I think we can all see how pertinent these steps are in ALL OF OUR LIVES. It isn’t a weakness to admit failure, it is only a weakness when we don’t try to do better. If you know someone who has succeeded in these steps through a program such as AA, give them a hug and acknowledge the work they’ve done to better their life.
If you or someone you know suffers from addiction, depression or eating disorders please go to the following sites to find your local meetings:
Alcoholics Anonymous: www.aa.org Narcotics Anonymous: www.na.org
Overeaters Anonymous: www.oa.org Eating Disorders Anonymous: www.eatingdisordersanonymous.org
Depression Anonymous: www.depressionanonymous.org
ALANON (Friends and family of those in 12 step programs) www.al-non.alateen.org
Blessings
Shannon