…with our couch!
Multiple Sclerosis is a funny disease and one unfortunate symptom is restlessness and insomnia at night which leads to extreme exhaustion during the day. Neal was diagnosed with MS six years ago and at first the sleeplessness was more of a nuisance than anything. Our usual routine was to lie in bed, talk about the day, kids, etc and then watch some TV till we were both tired and we’d go to bed. Slowly, as his body was gripped by attack after attack that first year he would end up on the couch because he couldn’t get comfortable (out of politeness to me as well).
Then we bought THE new couch. Everyone loves this couch. It is not beautiful or a designers dream but whoever designed its comfort hit the nail on the head. You sit on this couch and within minutes you want to curl up in a blanket and take a nap like you were five. 😉
For awhile Neal would continue our nightly routine and when I couldn’t get to sleep because it was midnight or 1am with the bright light of the TV in my face he would turn it off and lay on the couch eventually falling asleep and not coming back. Then routines change (slow fade??) and he would fall asleep on the couch watching TV early in the evening. When it was time to go to bed I’d wake him up and make him change venues. Now the couch has claimed him and he swears it is more comfortable.
Silly to be threatened by a couch! In my stubbornness I let it go but when we don’t communicate and let these issues go then the new norm becomes a habit harder to break. Finally I spoke up. Maybe he was waiting for me to say “I don’t like this and you should be in bed with me.” He didn’t argue. We tried going back to the old routine. I put on a mask to block out the light of the TV if he wasn’t tired, even wore ear plugs to drown out the noise… but like I said old habits die hard.
Crazy thing is these last few nights I haven’t been able to get to sleep. Last night when I finally did get to sleep I heard Neal come in and join me. I slept like a baby. So much so that it was hard for me to get up today! 😉
Why am I sharing this extremely personal story? Because this is how God showed up for me today…this morning I realized how much I missed our ‘old routine’ but also know that we have extenuating circumstances that are going to jumble up our routines so it’s more about keeping tabs of the communicating, intimacy, and prayer than it is about where we enjoy REM. “In sickness and in health” right?
Because I was so tired this morning I was late to Mass. I was frazzled, frustrated and tired. Then Fr Borski talks about the Gospel reading of Jesus asking Peter to trust him and step out of the boat into the raging waters. Fr. Borski said the message isn’t always about Jesus calming the waters but to have the security and trust knowing that He is in the boat with us.
Neal’s MS won’t miraculously go away…and we won’t know if it’ll be twenty years, thirty, or forty years that he’ll live with it and what it will ultimately do to his body. We can pray for a cure and hopefully in Neal’s lifetime it will happen but for now, these are the waters we are in and Jesus is with us.
In Mass I was in an aisle alone with no one next to me and during the Our Father someone behind me reached forward and grabbed my hand. Stunned I turned to see who and it was the principal of the boys school. Without warning my throat tightened because in that moment we recited “Give us this day, our daily bread“(reference back to Day #4 Our Daily Bread). God in the flesh, showing up, reaching out and telling me “I’m in this boat with you both.”
This afternoon I came home to find Neal in bed, taking a nap and there was no animosity only love and joy because he definitely needs his sleep.
After dinner I found him on his beloved couch. So I decided to let the couch know who was his true love and joined him. 😉
Our marriage is strong. We have been through so much in our 17 years of marriage…a couch will not come between us. communication is key, pray together… and other things. 😉
Blessings
Shannon