If you’ve read my blog for awhile you know that I share with you my struggles and imperfections along with the recognition of God’s hand moving the pieces around on this boardgame of my life. I share deeply and intimately not so you can be a voyeur into my life, nor because I like to talk about myself. I share because what has always helped me to learn and grow is to know someone else knows how I feel, or what I’m thinking, or has experienced the same emotions and struggles (or in the near vicinity). All throughout my ministry with teens and adults over the past decade I have taken this honest approach. It is not for everyone, I realize that. As much as I write about my stories and experiences it is NOT ABOUT ME but about God’s life, God’s Word, God’s love, God’s story through me – one imperfect human being striving for His perfection.
On my way to spiritual direction this morning I recapped these last few days and with each moment I became more and more agitated with ME. In my opinion I failed badly and I was happy to have the ear of my wise advisor to guide me back onto the right path. When I began to tell him what I felt was my lack of imperfection (the fact that I said something I probably shouldn’t have, or didn’t speak up when I should have – simply failed to ‘show up’ for Him) his smile grew wider with each frustration that flowed from my mouth.
At first I felt he was amused which had me confused. I truly was upset with myself and needed guidance to come back to the way of Christ’s perfection. He smiled and then said, “My dear, if you were perfect then you would never have the drive or desire to continue to grow in Christ.”
He went on to say that I should be pleased that I’m recognizing the moments that I know I could have or even should have done better because it will keep me in line with where God wants me to be.
What I love is that he said something that I’ve known in my heart of hearts but when someone else says it back to me then it comes out of that subconscious knowing into a glaring reality. I feel the same when I hear someone else’s story of triumph over suffering. Even though the plots to our stories vary the ending remains the same – we are loved, we are forgiven, and there is always hope beyond hope. And no matter how much God gives us the grace to accomplish His appointed tasks, it is only in Him that we will find perfection.
Blessings
Shannon