Between the comments and Facebook love I realize how blessed I am to have so many who will pray for me when I ask! What happened yesterday between Seth and I was a ‘moment’ I don’t want to recall…but I wouldn’t be surprised if I ever end up ‘paying for it’ in counseling one day. 😉
I’m kidding! Praying that’s not the case. I believe Seth accepted my sincere apology and understood what Neal and I wanted to get across. He hugged me by the end of the night so it set my heart at ease. What will I do when they are in high school and this is magnified??? 🙁
Today I’ve been running circles with doctors visits, visiting with my spiritual advisor and packing for Germany. I leave tomorrow so I am not sure when the next posting will be, whether tomorrow or if it’ll show up the following day by the time I can get one done. Check out this luggage:
Get a load of that….isn’t that what you’d be taking to Germany? 😉 That’s my largest suitcase too! My poor friend moved to Germany in October and she is desperate for some comforts of home so I am bringing them to her to stock up her pantry. Plus her daughter just turned 6 so I’ll be bringing her gift from her parents with me too. Neal asked if I got to take any clothes. What he doesn’t realize is I’ll have an extra suitcase to bring back with me that shouldn’t come back empty, right?
In all honesty I’m trusting God’s timing more and more each day. Sitting on a plane for 10 hours probably doesn’t sound like ‘fun’ to some but to me it’s what I need right now. Forced confinement where I can’t check email or talk to anyone, etc. I’m hoping it makes me get some other things done.
After talking to my spiritual advisor now I’m wondering if I should bring a box of kleenex along too. Upon hearing the development of what I’ve been going through this past month he looked at me and said, “This is your lent, your time in the desert. We never know what our desert is going to look like and often we get used to it being the ‘California variety’ but this is more like wasteland desert. What do you do for spiritual comfort?” he asked.
That was easy. “I journal,” I replied.
“And have you been writing in your journal since these memories surfaced?”
He had me there. It’s been troubling me. I want to journal. I want to sit down and do what my therapist and now my spiritual advisor are telling me to do but I get blocked, indifferent, almost put off that I should ‘have’ to do it. I explained this to him.
He nodded in understanding and smiled. “Sounds to me like fear is keeping you from going where you need to go. And now this fear is keeping you from what helps you stay close with God.”
So perceptive this one. 😉
“Think about this, Shannon,” he continued. “This is different than the healing you’ve been through before because now you have your therapist and you have a spiritual advisor on the journey with you and you’ve begun at a time of Lent where God will be shining his light of grace upon you as you journey. There is a gift waiting for you in the end. What it is?” He shrugged his shoulders. “We won’t know till you get there and it could be your Lent will only be 20 days or it might be that it’s 60 or 80 but it is yours and we are here to help you along the way.”
I left comforted in this vision. My journal will travel with me. We shall see what happens on this continued journey into my desert wasteland.
Blessings
Shannon