On the way from one house to another on Christmas Eve we killed a hawk. Can you believe? We were a mile or so from our destination and out of the trees comes this big bird, wings spread, and it’s back to us as it swooped down and SPLAT right into our grill.
The poor bird never knew what hit him. Maybe he’s not dead though…maybe he was just wounded.
But I knew what hit him and I wanted to cry. How could we kill something on Christmas Eve? It was not the vision or memory I needed. None of us were too happy to have had it happen but we also couldn’t help but nervously laugh at the absurdity of the situation.
Nothing was in our ‘norm’ this Christmas. We didn’t leave for Sherman like we have for the past 10 years…this year I am leaving Friday with the boys and spending the weekend with my parents and sister and her family because she couldn’t get off work for the rest of the week. And Neal isn’t joining us because he has to work.
So we are ‘off’ but we made it our own. We attended Midnight Mass for the first time and realized that it’s one you don’t have to go an entire hour early to in order to get a seat. But we did and so we had extra time in prayer. 😉 And we realized we all find it hard to stay awake past midnight. 😀 For some reason I wasn’t as ‘wired’ as I remember when I was a kid…hmmm
Christmas Day we kept with one tradition and that was waking up early with the kids to do presents and then headed over to my in-laws for lunch. Because I had the time this year I watched “White Christmas” for the first time and cried in the end.
Later in the afternoon as Neal took a three hour nap Seth and I watched a movie and when it came time for dinner we all looked at each other like, “Oh yeah…dinner.”
So we got a kick of setting out to find any restaurant open…ultimately living out the Christmas dinner of the favorite movie, ‘Christmas Story’. Excellent food by the way.
In these past two days I’ve caught up with people I haven’t seen in ages, gotten myself ‘almost’ back on track, and opened my home to my kids friends…teenage boys, and had a wonderful dinner with our priest.
Not much has been of the ‘norm’ this year and now that the year is coming to an end I’m finally ‘ok’ with accepting, and receiving, one day at a time.
In many ways I’ve been like the hawk flying cockeyed and into coming traffic, not knowing what hit me. I’ve been a bit wounded and at times struggling to recall where I am and why. But now it’s time to accept those wounds have healed and there is no more need to overcompensate.
That’s the struggle. Like after breaking a leg or ankle and once the cast comes off feeling confident that the leg or ankle will be sturdy enough to hold your weight. To run again without fear of another break. There are many aspects of myself that I’ve realized I’ve chosen to go with the safety of a crutch. They might not be obvious to you but they are to me and I need to begin listening to my own advice. 😉 You can’t change others but you can change yourself.
Life will never be predictable and if it were how boring would that be? If this Christmas was not your ‘norm’ or went away from your ‘tradition’ and left you frustrated, depressed or cynical take a moment and reflect on those feelings taking time to nurse the wound. You deserve it. But do me a favor and don’t become dependant on the crutch.
Blessings
Shannon