Death is tragic for those of us left behind. We are the ones left to suffer the loss and relearn our daily existence to fill the void. It takes time.
I’ve suffered a great amount of loss in my life. What I’ve learned over the years that helps is to embrace the legacy of the one I miss. What did they teach me? What did I admire about them that I can try to replicate for myself? How can I carry on the legacy that touched me in such a way that has made their absence like a pockmark in my day?
For those who have suffered the loss of parents, spouses and children the legacy courses through your veins and has etched a deep path within your daily walk. But even with the loss of a close friend or mentor their legacy remains in the memories shared and advice given. A year ago my dear friend and spiritual advisor, Msgr. Charles Elmer, passed away and yet his legacy remains with me every morning when I wake up and pray, “Good morning, Lord. What my I do for you today?” This is a prayer Msgr. Elmer advised me to begin on our first meeting over 9 years ago and he would periodically ask me, “Are you still greeting God in the morning?” 😉 There is much more that remains from Msgr. Elmer and though his absence is felt I am comforted by his legacy.
Time heals but it does not erase. Today, September 4th is a date that remains along with the legacy of my first love – well puppy love ;), Joe Davis (aka “Matt” in the book). September 4th was his birthday. It has been 22 years since his death but his legacy still remains. He impressed upon me a zeal for living life that at the time was both exhilarating and scary, something that caused me to shy away but now I embrace. I remember a tender moment of a home cooked meal, Joe and his best friend “David” taking extra steps to impress me and David’s girlfriend with dinner at Joe’s home, burning the garlic bread and stinking up the kitchen and laughing till our stomachs hurt. He was a gentle giant – (literally) and impressed upon me the care and dignity in which I needed to be regarded.
He took care of me then and I’m certain he continued to take care of me through prayer beyond the grave for my husband embodies everything Joe impressed upon me and I believe he left me with that legacy to embrace. Some might call me crazy but this truth was reinforced one afternoon when I took a group of young adults to my hometown for a visit. They were interested in visiting Joe’s gravesite and I hadn’t been to visit it since before I met Neal. We pulled up to the area where Joe was buried and we all collectively gasped. Flanking Joe’s grave on either side were multiple headstones that read NEAL. Okay, so take from it what YOU will but being that my husband’s name is NEAL I found that to be a comforting sign. 😉
Today I want to share with you Joe…who he was and what he accomplished in a short life. Here is a link to an article written on the 20th anniversary of his death that does a fine job summing up his legacy, at least what the public knew. It wasn’t how well he played basketball that remained with me. It was how he loved.
That is the legacy we leave behind. Not so much what we accomplish but how we love.
Thank you to all of you who commented on the 4 day Challenge. They were ALL great ‘Just Show Up’ moments. I’m choosing one this week to post as a ‘featured’ article. Also, I do plan to tell you about all that happened last week. Today I needed to remember Joe. 🙂
Blessings
Shannon