I don’t know what I’m doing or where I need to be and what scares me the most is that I might be exactly where I’m supposed to be but learning to deal with walking on water without the stability and security of safe solid ground beneath my feet.
Not that I can walk on water alone…right? That’s the point.
I sat with my friend Susan at lunch today, laying out the various pathways that are before me, all of which offer a promise of spiritual fulfillment, family cohesiveness and stability – with all but one, the path I’m standing on now.
“I see God’s hand in what I’m doing, doors open daily but at this point it’s not steady and solid,” I bemoaned. “I like to know this is what I’m doing, this is how I do it and at the end of the day this is the desired result.” With all of the other options that have been laid before me over this past week I could turn and walk on any one of those paths and know exactly what is expected of me, when and how much. Yet, none of them offer peace, instead they fill me with more questions.
With one I would be ‘on a leash’ so to speak and I haven’t been ‘on a leash’ in a very long time…not sure that is something I can do – but – I hear in a rebuttal in my mind, maybe this path would offer something I don’t have now that I long for? Maybe it is what God desires of me to receive and grow within the experience.
Another option offers prestige, titles and a secure income to rely on if anything were to happen to Neal…yet it also requires years of focus in a multitude of areas that don’t necessarily interest me or add to any ‘call’ I feel today.
Susan looked at me and said, “As you were talking I get this picture of Jesus walking on the water, it wasn’t still or solid. He is asking that you trust him and walk with him even if that means you don’t know what your next step brings.”
A beautiful woman and friend speaking the truth of Christ. 🙂
During adoration this morning I wrote all of this out to God and being that some of the ‘options’ need more investigation from me (action) and would have to be rectified and chosen by the end of the summer I figured it best to put everything out on the table between God and me. I numbered off and spelled out the desires of my heart, whether they were to be answered within this moment of my life or maybe for another time I went with Psalm 37:4 – “Find your delight in the LORD who will give you your heart’s desire.”
Then I wrote out the three paths that are before me…some seem to be able to intersect and cross paths along the way but none are well – lit for me to feel the peace and comfort I need to venture forward. It felt good to put it in God’s hands but I’m still a woman who feels comfort from talking it out to as many that will listen because just as I heard from Susan today I never know when God will speak loud enough for me to finally listen. 😉
I have this quote, just as it is shown here, in a frame that used to be in a guest bathroom in a house we lived in when we first moved to Kingwood. It sat on the top of the toilet in the 1/2 bathroom off of the kitchen that everyone would use who came to visit. There were many comments made (especially from men as they seemed to face it the most….lol 😉 ) about how comforting the passage was to them. I, too, would go into the bathroom and see it, read it and be reminded to trust and believe. When I finished this post (from the last paragraph) I went to look for comforting passages that I could insert for you and this was the first to pop up…exactly as it is in my photo frame.
I get it. (And I’m going to find where I have that frame now and put it in my bathroom where I can see it every day!!!)
It is good to be on solid ground and know exactly where you are going and what you are doing is where God wants you to be…but in moments such as this we are tested in our faith. Will you hold onto his hand and trust or sink with fear?
I’m holding on…and praying I don’t let go!!
Blessings
Shannon