What does it have to take for me to begin to pay attention and follow through with my instincts? Not long ago I blogged about a line in a movie that grabbed me because of its painful truth (Trust Your Gut) –
“They always put the need to not offend my feelings ahead of their own gut feeling of danger.”
At the crack of dawn I was put to this test. It was 6:25am, I’m standing in the frozen foods section of HEB, hair pulled back in a pony-tail, drenched in sweat from my 5am spin class and trying to rush through the contents of the freezer case to find the chicken strips my kids like best.
“Excuse me.” I hear a man say and I look up to find a young man, possibly in his late 20’s, brown skin, brown hair, brown eyes walking toward me. His shirt was a forest green and he had on khaki shorts. He didn’t have a cart or a basket, just a piece of paper in his hands.
“Are you single?” He asked and took a few more steps toward me.
“Excuse me?” I said, not sure I heard him correctly.
“Are you single?” he asked again now he was only a foot from my basket.
Even though it was 6:30 in the morning and there was no one else in sight I didn’t feel any major alarm quite yet. I laughed assuming he had to be taking a survey or something odd. “Um, no. I’ve been married 16 years,” I said and looked away from him back into the contents of the freezer assuming he’d walk away.
“Wow,” I heard him say quietly. “You are just so beautiful I had to come talk to you.”
Now the alarms went off. I shut the freezer door and put both hands on my basket. I laughed again, this time with a nervous edge. I looked into his eyes and tried to figure out if he could possibly be mentally challenged.
“Really, you are,” he continued. “Probably one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen.”
I smiled politely and started to push my cart more toward the wine section that was more open to the rest of the store. “Thank you,” I muttered trying not to be rude because, yes, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
“Can I have a hug?” he asked following behind me.
I stopped the cart and turned to him. “No, I’m sorry. I just got through working out.” I held out my hand and shook his. “It is nice to meet you,” I said. “Thank you for the compliment.” All the while I kept an eye on my wallet that was in top part of the small basket.
“Can I even have half a hug?” he insisted when he let go of my hand.
“No, I’m sorry,” I said and walked toward the check out and he turned and walked the other way. Rattled I contemplated whether I should say something to the checker. It was empty in the store with only a few other women wearing work out clothes could be seen going in and out of the aisles. When I was just about to head to the exit the cashier asked the usual polite, “Do you need any help with your bags?”
I looked at her for a second because I’m so used to saying, “No.” but this time I said, “Actually, yes. Can I have a man walk out with me to my car while I unload the groceries?” I then went on to tell her what had just happened and I wasn’t feeling comfortable going to my car alone even though it was one of the few in the near deserted parking lot.
The young man helped me with the bags and watched me get in the car. I made a point to look around the parking lot at the few cars that were there to see if anyone was in them or might follow me. Everything was all clear.
It very well could have been just a polite young man who has bad taste in sweaty middle-aged women. 😉 Or maybe for once I finally did the right thing and took the steps necessary to avoid another attack.
I will never know but I will say that it personally makes me sad that we live in a world that compliments can’t just be compliments and that even the possibly mentally challenged get labeled as threats. It goes against my character to hurt someone’s feelings and saying ‘no’ to him was hard for me this morning even though I knew it was an odd situation and my bells were ringing alarm.
Even after all I’ve been through I still want to trust. I want to assume innocent before guilty. And every stranger isn’t a danger but a friend. But I had to think of that line and forge through with going against my nature.
It’s a tough lesson to learn.
Blessings
Shannon