Yesterday was a blessing. Friends, family, food, wine, laughter, sleep… All the necessities.
Today is a hard day.
I’m struggling with a battle that I’ve been dealing with for over 18 years, shoot more like 21 years. I’ve learned to call it a stronghold in the ‘Christian’ world and when I look up the world’s definition of stronghold I find that the only definition it gives is ‘fortress’. Makes sense as it appears I have truly built a fortress around this issue with the help of the enemy and his lies. Over the years I’ve ventured into knocking the fortress down but it appears I’ve only managed to give it a new coat of paint.
At the last Maria Goretti meeting is when this realization came to me, and by the grace of God ( I say this with great effort ) I recognize the reality and the magnitude of the cover up and how it affects my marriage. In the meeting someone said they ‘pray for the willingness to want to pray to overcome the stronghold’. I repeated that in my prayers over and over for days after. But the fortress can’t be knocked down without a battle.
The battle began three days ago without me fully recognizing it had begun. To stick with my metaphors a Trojan Horse snuck in. This is where God snuck in with His grace through my weakness. The battle needs to take place but my fortress was impenatratable.
My prayer has been answered, I now desire to pray to be released of the stronghold. I want to want it knocked down. I’m like an addict in the first few days of rehab. I’ve finally said ‘yes’ to fight the fight that I’ve feared for so long. Now comes the real work.
I am always comforted by the Apostles struggles, especially Paul’s:
“Therefore I might not become too elated, a thorn in the flesh was given to me ,an angel of Satan, to beat me to keep me from being elated. Three times I begged the Lord about this, that it might leave me. ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in my weakness,’ I will rather boast most gladly of my weakness, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me.” 2 Corinthians 12:7-10
My thorn is not an addiction, or eating disorder, or bad habit of any kind…it is denying myself of love and the greatest gift of marriage. The repercussion is the effect it has on my husband and by default my children. I know God’s grace is sufficient and I head into this battle with his strength and the desire to overcome.
Please pray for me. 😉
Blessings
Shannon