Today I feel my age. You know, how for the most part we can never really feel our ‘age’ because there are many ‘parts’ of us that feel younger, still hold memories of youth, still can’t accept that we’ve made it this far. But today I feel it. And I don’t mean I feel crickety, or ancient, or physically inept, etc. I mean psychologically I feel my age. Today.
Hopefully just today. 😉
I didn’t realize how much I relied on my youthful’ness’ to keep me from receiving certain aspects of life as it was unveiled. In so many ways I’ve stuffed experiences along with wisdom because it was either ‘too hard’, or ‘hurt too much’, or ‘in acknowledging my understanding of the situation or information it would make me accept my age’. 😉
But today I rejoice in being every single second, minute, hour and day of 40 years + 3 months and 2 days.
This evening I sat among women who are living through either a personal hell or a life-altering moment and listened as one literally ‘stuffed’ her hurt, past, regret, and sorrow right in front of me with a simple “I’m good,” statement and another who has to be at least 5 years my junior if not younger sat with her arms crossed, eyebrows drawn inward and silent. Not until I was done with the particular program I was doing for these women did the older one make the comment, “You pegged me, I stuff it and I know one day it’ll come out. I stuff it because I can’t fathom surviving going through the actual pain.” I had no called her out literally, I had simply recognized her body language and the few simple words and later implied a few words to encourage the need to ‘unstuff’ at some point.
The younger one followed me out to my car as I retrieved a few books and felt the need to give me advice in regards to something personal I’d shared. I listened and thanked her because, indeed, we learn from everyone.
Later I attended a 47 year old woman’s memorial service and listened to her grown children sing her praises. She was loved. She will be missed.
Therefore, I sit here at the end of the day and I acknowledge every single second, minute, hour, day, month, and year full of memories, love, pain, loss, tragedy, sorrow, great joys and blessings. I remember and I am blessed. I accept every single breath I have been given and I accept every year I get to claim as my own. I will not stuff it for I have lived through it and I have not only survived my life but with the strength of Christ and His grace I have made it unforgettable (at least in my own eyes.)
Don’t stuff what life has given you. Embrace it and take from it what will make you be the best you can be.
Blessings
Shannon