Thought I’d revisit this post for my Dad, my husband and all the wonderful fathers out there!
“Who are you?” he would ask, looking into my eyes and bouncing me on one knee.
“I’m Papa’s Sweetpatootie,” I’d say loudly with pride and giggle as he covered my face with kisses. He was my Dad’s father, the ‘good’ grandfather, the one whom I adored.
I was probably two, maybe three, when this picture was taken. I was staying at Papa and Sweetgraw’s house and from what my mother recalls he thought I was so cute with a Kool-Aid smile he couldn’t resist taking me to the nearby JC Penny’s to frame the moment professionally. It remained framed and on his dresser even after his death.
Looking at this picture I see a precious little girl that I want to pick up into my arms, squeeze tight, lavish her with love and never let her go. The love I received is vivid in the picture and over three decades later it can still have an effect on me so much so that when I want to recall a time that I feel safe, secure and unconditionally loved this picture is what comes to mind.
Soon life happened and I didn’t want to receive the love, regardless of its nature. I remember backing away from Papa, from my own father and any other man that wanted to show me true and pure love. Because of one man’s behavior towards me I couldn’t accept any behavior as good, let alone holy and pure, which changed the definition of the ultimate love -God’s love. Instead of it filling me up and standing in the cracks where human love failed I saw it as unattainable and not meant for me.
Papa never gave up on me. Even though I began to turn away from his kisses and hugs, no longer wanting to sit on his lap or look him in the eye, he still called me his Sweetpatootie till the day he died when I was 14. My dad never gave up on me either and I know it’s been a struggle for him to not understand why all of his girls would turn away from his honest, fatherly affections. But he hasn’t given up and though dejected many times by each one of us he loves us with all that he is.
Eventually, I came to recognize who I am in God’s eyes. I’m still this little girl with pig-tails, chubby cheeks and a Kool-Aid smile. I’m His beloved. His wonderful creation. His Sweetpatootie. 😉
Today God has lavished me with His love and instead of squirming and wiggling out of His grasp I am sitting on His knee, looking into His eyes and proclaiming who I am in Him. “I’m your beloved!” Thank you, Lord, for the affirmation you gave me in a call from a woman in Connecticut. Thank you, Lord, for your affirmation for another woman in Boston. Thank you, Lord, for the opportunity to be validated within my ministry and serve other women at the Wellspring’s Village. Thank you, Lord, for hearing my prayers today when I asked, “Lord, I’ve helped one, may I help another? Show me this is where I need to be.” You took hold of my hand, Lord, and framed the moment professionally showing me, “Look, my beloved, you don’t have to be dolled up and put together perfectly to be my delight. I love you as you are.”
God loves you as you are, with messed up hair and Kool-aid smiles. What hurts have kept you away from His love? Stop running. Turn back to Him and hold onto His hand.
Blessings
Shannon